Sneak attack
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Sneak attack
| Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:56am |
After over 2 months of NC my XOM(single guy)landed a sneak attack on me. I have been doing so great...I had gotten to the point where he didn't completely control my thoughts and the A was starting to just become a thing of the past and then WHAM out of nowhere he calls me on my cell. I have gone to great pains to not have the opportunity to talk to him. I stay on invisible when I am online (yes, i'm a dork...but he has numerous online accounts/handles so I can't block them all) and I never answer any calls that don't show on my caller id on my cell. But I was talking to my girlfriend, another call came in and I just flipped that sucker open! There he was..."Hello" "So how are you doing??" trying to be all sweet. Bast*rd!!!!!! We exchanged a few cordial words..he tried to throw in his infamous sexual banter..I didn't take the bait. He asked "are you being short with me?" kind of jokingly, I didn't know what to say. I Should have said "Yeah, I'm getting short with you. What part of WE ARE OVER. NO WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE FRIENDS!! Did you not understand chief?" But I just exchanged light conversation "how are you....good...glad your doing well...yeah,it's been a long time." Yada Yada Yada!
So now I am back with these thoughts racing thru my mind. It's weird that he was being so icky sweet. He was just trying to play me yet again. I will not go down that road again with him. And I just want him out of my life. Guess I should have my phone # changed! I feel that I have really gained a lot more self respect since it has ended and since I found this board....I know that in the past I would have ran right over to him at his beck and call. I have grown. I am still a little disturbed by the fact that a 2 minute 46 second conversation could make me feel physically ill and have me back to thinking about him again.
AAGGHHHHHH!
Just had to get it all out!
Thanks All!
~meg
So now I am back with these thoughts racing thru my mind. It's weird that he was being so icky sweet. He was just trying to play me yet again. I will not go down that road again with him. And I just want him out of my life. Guess I should have my phone # changed! I feel that I have really gained a lot more self respect since it has ended and since I found this board....I know that in the past I would have ran right over to him at his beck and call. I have grown. I am still a little disturbed by the fact that a 2 minute 46 second conversation could make me feel physically ill and have me back to thinking about him again.
AAGGHHHHHH!
Just had to get it all out!
Thanks All!
~meg

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Edited 5/10/2005 8:21 pm ET ET by despr8housewife2005
Hey Meg, right where you are, I was on Saturday evening (my post "Unbelievable Twist"). I'm home with DH and kids on a Saturday night, minding my own business, A over for more than a year, when he sends me a series of text messages from his new phone number. Like you, I was caught completely unawares. I like the term "sneak attack." Anyhow, I'm with you, how dare he!?!? Just like you described, it sent me into a tailspin.
I didn't go out looking for this interaction with XMM. Granted, I guess instead of just blocking his old cell phone number I could've changed MY cell phone number but that's such an unGodly hassle, especially when you have kids. I have more than 110 phone numbers plugged in to my cell, all folks who only know to communicate with me thru my cell. My son's doctors, my kids' schools, all have my cell phone. I'm alittle short on energy, and I want to believe that simply blocking his number and not contacting him would do it. Wrong.
Anyhows, I was pretty much recovered within a day or two. I think the biggest impact came from the fact that it was so out of the blue and I so wasn't expecting to hear from him. Live and learn, huh? What part of "this A is over" do they not understand???? I'm back to business as usual, and you will be soon too. But it is amazing that such a small contact can have such profound impact.
Love, Mo.
Hi Meg, haven't seen you around for awhile and I guess that was a good thing.
I just had to post since this "sneak attack" thing is happening to more than one of us (you and Mo). My sneak attack is a little different, there hasn't been any contact, just our one year anniversary of our first kiss after 20 years apart. I find myself thinking more about him now just like in the beginning. So many things remind me of him and what happened over the last year. I was doing so well and didn't expect to feel this way again just because the date on the calendar tells me it's been a year since we told each other that we still cared for each other after all that time apart.
In my last email to him back in Nov. I told him not to contact me. I knew he would respect my wishes and he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Now, I find myself checking my email every morning and expecting one from him! Where did this come from??? Last year we met twice while we were both on business trips (we planned it that way of course). I'm getting ready to go on another business trip in less than 2 weeks and I think that is why I'm thinking of him more. I know that I will think about him on the trip and wish he were with me. I have to stop that. I told him about this trip last year so he knows about it. In my last email to him I told him I wasn't going. I guess I was worried that he may just show up there. THAT wouldn't be a good sneak attack!
You guys may think I'm weird but in Feb I went to a pyschic. I was curious and didn't think she would tell me anything spectacular. Well she did. She told me things that no one else could have known, especially a stranger like herself. She picked up on xMM right away, telling me his intials and describing him to me. She knew that I went on three trips last year and that I'm going again in April. She told me that I would see xMM on my trip in April. When I told her that he doesn't know that I'm going, she just smiled. Of course I can believe the things she told me that I know are true but the future stuff...I guess that's another reason I'm freaking out. I'm not going to change anything that I do in my life so those things "come true" If it is meant to be than it will happen without my making it happen.
I feel like I'm stuck in the anger stage and am trying to move onto the acceptance stage. I'm angry because I feel that he used me. Looking back things are a little more clear to me. I think it ended for him a lot earlier than it ended for me, I feel that he dragged me along knowing that it was over for him.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. We will all get through this, one day at a time!
Dallas
Hi all..well i have had NC with my xMM for almost 6 weeks - He sort of sneak attacked me on Easter, wishing me Happy Easter and that he thought of me every day. Well I'd like to say that I was strong, but it totally caught me offguard as I was driving to hear the text message alert go off (I never get texts from anyone else). I texted back that I missed him. That was Sunday and it threw me off for the entire day wondering what ifs? what was he thinking? why now? etc.. I guess I'm okay now - after a couple of days and some reassuring post reading. I know it was probably just the holiday and we all know how holidays can make people think about things.. I haven't had any contact with him since and don't expect any. I still think about him once an hour at least, but it's getting a bit easier as each day goes by. I keep reminding myself that everyone makes choices in life..I chose to take a risk on a MM that didn't work out..and he chose to stay with his W and kid no matter how bad he potrayed it...and nothing I can do will or can change that...it has to come from within him. I know that God has someone wonderful planned for me - if it was him, maybe the timing was off. If it is still him, who I am absolutely head over heels for - then only time will tell (and divorce papers). Until then, I'm making the CHOICE to live a happy life counting the enormous number of blessings that I do have.
Here's to strong and happy days to all of us!
<<<>>>
I KNOW this to be true in my A. You know that song "The Thrill is Gone" B.B. King. I had that song in my head for like the last year of my year and a half affair. It was as if we both just wanted to hang on to something that was fun and exciting at first but the thrill had definitely gone away. Now I am angry because I know that he is just trying to yank me back in and not just let it be done for good. And I can't imagine to pretend I know how he feels or what he thinks but I know that I made it into a bigger thing than it really was. He did not care about me to the extent that I did for him...this was made apparent to me when I found out he told some of buddies graphic details of our affair. I have been hurt so badly over this whole thing. I know that I need to pay the piper for my part in my own demise, but I just wish he would let me go for good. I work too hard on moving forward in my life to have him pop back in whenever he pleases.
I do believe in pyscics (sp?) I have had them tell me some very important things (i think their timing is always a bit off though...i've waited all February for something that did't show up till July) So maybe you shouldn't worry about the trip too much.
Thank you for the long post!
We will get through this one day at a time!
~meg
Yeah I guess you can type bastard and get away w/ it!! hee hee (I'm always trying to push the ivillage envelope w/ my potty mouth.)
I don't blame him any more than myself for this whole mess...you and Iare totally alike as far as I pretty much instigated the affair and went after him too. I am also totally terrified of what will become. I think about him and the A all the time. After 2 months of NC I still think about it. I have gone through all the stages of this and I was hoping that time would be on my side (damn..another song in my head now) Now I am back to the beginning. Why couldn't he just accept that we were through and let me go????
Were we dating the same man???
this is so terrifying and frustrating all at once.
Good luck to you on taking the plunge.
~nuttmeg
yes, I agree with you....why do we have to re-arrange our whole lives/phones/emails just b/cause they are ego-maniacs that have to have the last word? I know if I was stronger I wouldn't have to worry about it b/cause I would just say to him in a loud meanie type voice "don't call me again As*hole! Pencil-*ick! Just get the F*#& out of my life bastard!" (sorry but that was actually very therapeutic)
But I am not like that, (but if he keeps calling i might just be) and I am scared to make him mad b/cause he is such a snake that he would probably mail some of my panties to my husband along with old, x-rated emails we shared! I doubt it, but you never know. I never thought he would tell his friends about our A either and he did. So I just keep living with this fear daily. It is crazy that just a 3 min conversation would make me flip out of my mind...you are right though by Saturday I will be back to my lil old empowered self!
Thanks for the response!
Good luck to you as well!
~hugs and kisses
~nuttmeg
meg,
i been following this post, for sure he wants to eat his cake again, sorry excuse for a human being, they also do this "trojan horse" on us, man or woman
i know u will recover from this
max
Hi Nutmeg, It is former Littlesoul.
Oh my goodness, I am so glad for you that you held out. You seem to of moved on. I do understand how that 2 minute phone call can leave you with such confusion.
It has been almost 6 weeks for me of not seeing each other and three without talking, when he picked up an email I sent him from weeks and weeks back. We were going back and forth on the email and my phone rang and it was him. We talked for a little bit, basically arguing because he wished I would leave my husband. Meanwhile, he is seeing his ex now. Yea right. We left off cordial, but I was so so sad the past two days after getting off the phone with him. I was moving forward, glad to be rid of the lies and the pain and felt these feelings again.
Please stay strong, my friend and keep in touch. You are not alone! :)
I am so glad that you have made it through 3 weeks...and I just know you will keep it up!
hugs and kisses to you
~nuttmeg
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