Sneak attack
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Sneak attack
| Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:56am |
After over 2 months of NC my XOM(single guy)landed a sneak attack on me. I have been doing so great...I had gotten to the point where he didn't completely control my thoughts and the A was starting to just become a thing of the past and then WHAM out of nowhere he calls me on my cell. I have gone to great pains to not have the opportunity to talk to him. I stay on invisible when I am online (yes, i'm a dork...but he has numerous online accounts/handles so I can't block them all) and I never answer any calls that don't show on my caller id on my cell. But I was talking to my girlfriend, another call came in and I just flipped that sucker open! There he was..."Hello" "So how are you doing??" trying to be all sweet. Bast*rd!!!!!! We exchanged a few cordial words..he tried to throw in his infamous sexual banter..I didn't take the bait. He asked "are you being short with me?" kind of jokingly, I didn't know what to say. I Should have said "Yeah, I'm getting short with you. What part of WE ARE OVER. NO WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE FRIENDS!! Did you not understand chief?" But I just exchanged light conversation "how are you....good...glad your doing well...yeah,it's been a long time." Yada Yada Yada!
So now I am back with these thoughts racing thru my mind. It's weird that he was being so icky sweet. He was just trying to play me yet again. I will not go down that road again with him. And I just want him out of my life. Guess I should have my phone # changed! I feel that I have really gained a lot more self respect since it has ended and since I found this board....I know that in the past I would have ran right over to him at his beck and call. I have grown. I am still a little disturbed by the fact that a 2 minute 46 second conversation could make me feel physically ill and have me back to thinking about him again.
AAGGHHHHHH!
Just had to get it all out!
Thanks All!
~meg
So now I am back with these thoughts racing thru my mind. It's weird that he was being so icky sweet. He was just trying to play me yet again. I will not go down that road again with him. And I just want him out of my life. Guess I should have my phone # changed! I feel that I have really gained a lot more self respect since it has ended and since I found this board....I know that in the past I would have ran right over to him at his beck and call. I have grown. I am still a little disturbed by the fact that a 2 minute 46 second conversation could make me feel physically ill and have me back to thinking about him again.
AAGGHHHHHH!
Just had to get it all out!
Thanks All!
~meg

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meg,
sorry i just cant resist it :)
max
===================================
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
Thanks for all your well wishes and your support. I am hoping I hang in there. The call really set me back, if you could believe that one. I can only imagine what seeing him would do.
You definetely sound so much stronger and more in charge of your life. I think it is the best to learn from this how not to jump head first without thinking. That is what gets you there in the first place. I know it did for me.
I haven't been on here much after what happened to me here, but I pop in once in a while and couldn't resist responding to you.
Keep it all up! You sound like you are doing wonderful, my friend!
:)
Hi Former Little soul,
I was just thinking about you the other day and hoping that you are doing okay. I'm hanging in there, I feel like I'm stuck in the anger stage and can't get past it. Although things with H are great right now, I'm so glad that I didn't go through with leaving him, etc. We are starting a "new" life together and we are both much happier after therapy. He doesn't know about my A and I will never tell him.
I will probably take a break from the boards since that may be causing me to be "stuck". I guess it's just a reminder of my A and I need to distance myself from that. I have also been dealing with the fact that I haven't forgiven myself for what I did. Looking back now, I can see the reason's for my A and how damaging it could have been, had I not got out. I realized now that my xMM is not the man I thought he was. Even though it hurts me that he was the one who ended it, he actually did me a favor because now my life is happier. I have a H and 3 beautiful DD's and that is what I'm focusing on now.
Take care, Littlesoul.
Dallas
Hi Dallas,
I haven't been on this board much either. I guess what broke me out of it is what had happened to me with my H reading what I wrote through the history on our computer. What a week that was for me.
You seem to be doing a lot better. I still haven't forgiven myself either. Sometimes I look back at what I did and see myself as a terrible person, yet like you said, I know exactly why and how it happened.
I remember we had a similar situation a bit with the OM, meaning he was a love from our younger years. I am sorry yours isn't what you thought. It must be hard. I have come to know, which I kind of knew, that my OM was seeing his ex girlfriend on and off while I was going to his house. Not that that is a big deal, but he lied about it. He is telling my friend now that he is afraid if he moves on with her (her moving in and planning a future) that he will hear I am divorcing and I will have regets and so will he. I am not leaving my marriage for him, nor do I feel I have given my all to my marriage, so I am working on that. I guess it hurts me that he wasn't honest that he was seeing her all that time when I asked. Kind of a dissapointment.
I am so glad things are going well in your marriage. How wonderful!!!
If somehow I don't catch you on this board, I want to wish you only the best. All the happiness to you!
Take care and stay well!
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