So after its over...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
So after its over...........
7
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 5:57pm
and you find yourself in a new relationship (yes me)...... do you tell the person you are with that you were involved in an affair with a MM? Does it speak to your honesty or morality if you do..... or if you don't? Or is it something you should just keep secret? I'd appreciate your opinions on this even if you havent dealt with it. I'm curious as to how to proceed. Thanks for any and all responses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:12pm
I think if you're going to tell him about all your past relationships then sure go ahead. But I don't discuss prior relationships with new flames.
Just a personal policy.

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"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:34am

hi kelly

i vote "no". you told me that my relationship with my MM isn't a real relationship so why should yours be? you said you had dated casually during your A so it isn't like he'll wonder if you were underground for 4 years. if he is curious about how your sex life then just tell him you had a special friend. it's not a lie. just my thoughts.

Debbi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:22am
ive never volunteer past relationship information unless asked. (unless its a reference to kindness or something inocuious (spellcheck)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:46pm
i would say 'No' also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 5:03pm
Thanks all... I agree... I normally don't share intimate details with someone about past relationships either ...it just seems like its such a sordid affair (pun not intended) in your past ...I guess its something to keep in the closet. My lips are sealed :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 9:16pm
Good plan.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 12:08pm

My NG asked me point blank if I was unfaithful in my M. I told him the truth. His W had been unfaithful to him. ( his words about his own W were that she was a good person and a good mother and he did not tell his children about her A) All my friends and family knew including my children (my xH told our children and has tried to make me look like the bad guy) so it seemed like he would probably find out anyway. He said that I should look in the mirror and forgive myself, that Jesus has already forgiven me and that I have beat myself up long enough. He said that I needed to let it go for me, for my kids and for our relationship to progress.

He is very wonderful and really 'INTO' me. He also told me later that he really appreciated my honesty.

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