So ashamed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
So ashamed
4
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 12:39pm
My xap initiated NC cold turkey 4 weeks ago. I was consumed by the "why's" and needing closure. I broke nc 2 days ago and got the answers I needed (guilt got the best of him and he didn't want to string me along but still cares for me and I believe him). I have moved on to being consumed by how ridiculous I'm sure I looked like to him for trying to continue the fantasy when he was preparing to go nc and clearly pulling away--at the time, my brain saw it, but my heart refused to accept it. Now that I have accepted it, I feel an urge to contact him again to explain I KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING--I'm not stupid although my actions contradict that. Will the embarrassment go away? Is it my brain trying to justify calling him again? It seems like once I get over one hurdle in this mess, I find myself up against a higher one to jump.


Edited 12/23/2009 2:42 pm ET by free_confused
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
In reply to: free_confused
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 12:48pm

We are women and I think we will never be satisfied with any level of communication until we feel all our feelings are explained and understood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
In reply to: free_confused
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 1:28pm

Hi Free,


First of all, don't be ashamed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
In reply to: free_confused
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 1:57pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: free_confused
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 2:22pm

Oh wow I have so btdt!!