So close but so far

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
So close but so far
18
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 6:43pm
So I pieced together that BlueRoses is gone. I'm going to be honest here because I need everyone to help keep me on track: I do miss exAP, if he contacted me there is a chance I'd go back into the A only because now, at almost a month out, the anxiety I remember from the A was hard but not as hard as my hardest moments now. A small part of me is jealous of BlueRoses, she isn't hurting herself anymore (her family yes). I know I'm just having a weak moment because had to work with exAP today. I thought I was doing so much better that I actually greeted him this morning... His indifference hurt. I don't know, I'm doing better but not as good as I thought I guess. I keep wanting to text him to see if he'll talk but I know he won't, he's done with me. Unlike everyone else's concerns about "fishing" I know my exAP won't do that. Trying to hold on... Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 11:13am
No real sage wisdom as I'm still learning how to handle the fallout with my own teens (I have 3), but do you guys talk about it at all? My kids knew of my A also, and I worked hard to stay level and be willing to honestly answer questions as they came up. If she's an older teen, she needs truth and needs to have a safe place to talk about it. It took me a few months after going NC the first time to be open enough to have the discussion and I had to initiate it. I suppose it will depend on your relationship with her - for us, it's an open door policy. AND YOU need to be honest with yourself - if she accuses you of Fing up life - acknowledge it - YOu are right, I did screw things up and now I'm taking steps to make things right again. Let your actions in this be a clear message to her that you mean it - Letting my kids in on my A, and answering things as real as I could, and allowing them to be mad (it is their right) and not trying to make it better, all while SHOWING THEM through my ACTION made them see I was backing up what I said. It also gave a level of trust between us (because in the A I had broken that trust with them) and has helped them to realize that adults are human and make mistakes too.

That being said, some kids will still need counseling to learn how to handle that anger - any T worth their salt will keep things confidential.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 11:49am

(((Landslide)))

The pain you and your DD are in breaks my heart. I would suggest PMing TU and asking her about confidentiality when it comes to a minor's therapy records. Maybe she will chime in here later with some advice. I know as an adult, whatever you share with your therapist is private information, but I do not know about minors.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 12:13pm


Thanks, Lolly. That was very sage advice when you said let my actions do the 'talking'. We've always been close, but you're right.. I lost her trust after all the times I shut her off.. literally closed my bedroom door..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 12:24pm

Thanks, Iddy. I will do just that and start a separate thread (as well as PM, TU). I'm heading out the door now to look at housing. My immediate goal, after going NC, is to take it a step further and get out of AP's neighborhood. Too many triggers and daily 'sightings' on the road messing with my head. Don't worry, though, I'll stay on board this time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 4:22pm
Landslide, your story is a wake up call. Thank you for sharing and good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 4:28pm
Thank you Iggy, Melinda, Yellowone.... Everyone. I'm doing the best I can, sharing things here honestly is important I believe and even if your post is a bit harsh I still read it and take it for what it is. This is a daily struggle, some days are clear, lucid and strong while other days are twisted, foggy and just plain HARD!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 4:58pm
Hangin there - you are going through withdrawl. The feelings fade with time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 5:55pm
Landslide welcome back. I remember reading your post back in December - it was so raw and anguished - and I'm so sorry that you've suffered this additional pain. For us newbies who have those insane moments of weakness where we think that perhaps xAP could "kiss it all better" your sobering story couldn't have come again better time. Your sense of loss and grief over those lost years with your daughter is heartbreaking to read. Please do start your own thread and big hugs to you Landslide. We are happy to have you back.

Kat.

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