So Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
So Confused
1
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 10:01pm
Last night my H and I fought again. He is so unhappy with his life, with me, with his job which he continues to threaten to quit. I told him why not go part-time, which his work offers or start looking at other jobs? He said the only way he would be happy in regard to that aspect of his life would be to get to quit and figure it out on his own time. This goes against everything that I've grown up with and value - but after arguing I said fine, if that's what would make you happy. Then today he said that even quitting wouldn't make him happy. I asked him if I make him so unhappy b/c of my A and other stuff, why doesn't he leave? He told me that he can't b/c he can't picture leaving me even though I make him miserable. I just don't know what to do. He is so moody and angry and while I accept responsibility for my part in it, I don't know how much more of him I can take. And he absolutely refuses to go to marriage counseling with me, so I go alone. I feel like he's being a very vocal martyr.

On top of this, MM, who as I said in my last post had appeared to end things with me and with whom I had exchange some very bitter words contacted me at work today to see how my injury was coming. His message seemed to completely ignore the fact that just the other day we had ended things.

I feel like such a failure in relationships, something that I've never been before. I never fight with my friends and all past relationships & up until now my M have always been solid, with the occasional disagreement, but nothing like this.

I feel like I'm being beaten down from all directions. I'm so depressed & yet so scared of just being on my own. I haven't been on my own since I was 13. I know I wouldn't be completely on my own, I do have great friends & family, but I mean alone without the comfort and support of a significant other. I'm terrified about the option of divorce, but it seems more and more real to me with each passing day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 10:20pm
Dear Blue--

i wish I had a magical piece of advice for you--I am so sorry you are going through this. It's a tough situation, but remember this as you work your way through it: you are an attractive and intelligent woman who has the power within herself to come out of this in one piece. Take this one day at a time and try to remain calm when you talk with your H. Sounds like he has a lot to work through. Would he be willing to go see his physician (he may be depressed, even if it's temporary). It's a start.

Try to draw your strength from within yourself--when the world around you is crazy and falling apart, so you need to be able to find some calm from within--because it's not coming from your external world right now.

Have patience. If it helps, I had a tough day today -- see my "tough day" post for a list of the things i was trying toremind myself of--maybe something in there will help you.

peace to you :-)