So confused, what should I do?
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So confused, what should I do?
| Fri, 03-12-2004 - 3:16pm |
As everyone on here I want to be sure that I give all of the details so that a full understanding can be had by all. About a year and a half ago while at a convention for work a co-worker and myself started what we thought at the begining was just going to be a good time. However, before the week was over it was obvious that we were not going to be able to just stop seeing each other when we got back. And before long we were having feeling for each other which neither one of us tried to stop. Needless to say here we are a year and a half later and he still has not been able to leave his wife. He claims that it is more involved than just that, his youngest is about to graduate high school and I think that after this happens it will be an easier decision for him. I have made ultimadums and he hasn't been able to reach my deadlines. I have tried to end it telling him that if he hasn't left yet then he never will. However, I haven't been able to stay away. I think I'm afraid that if I force him away to try to make him choose I will be devastated by his choice. He has become such a major part of my life already I'm not sure if I'll be able to adjust easily to life without him. I know that he loves me, there is no doubt about that. But we've gotten to the point where I need to know how much longer and he is leery about committing to a date for fear that if he does not meet it I will leave him forever. I love him, and have never felt more loved by anyone in all of my life. He claims that there is not much of a marriage and he does spend alot of time with me, but all of this time he does have an excuse for, never just saying the hell with it and dealing with things later when he gets home. He has left his wife before, but then she announced that she was pregnant so he went back. But in order for him to go back he had made a promise never to hurt her like that again, and this is what I'm afraid of, that although I know he wants and neds to be with me that he just doesn't know how to go about doing it without breaking his promise to her. I know I'm confusing the hell out of him as one day I'm telling him it's over only to call him the very next to tell him that I need him. I afraid that if i do nothing I'll be in this same situation forever with him, but on the other hand if I stand my ground and he doesn't leave I'll be devastated. I could really use some advise here ladies.

My two cents is that making a decision to end a marriage for an A is extremely complicated, and its not always about who you are happier with. Pushing him to make a decision probably won't help. He may be certain about the decision for a few days, then vacillate, and that could continue for a long time to come. I know that's what I did. One week I was in with OMM, the next staying in my marriage, and back and forth like a darned pendulum. That gave me my answer. If I was truly going to end the marriage, I would have - with or without OMM. The very fact that I was so conflicted led me to believe that I couldn't feel "okay" ending the marriage.
We all stay in marriages for different reasons, and happiness isn't always the most important of them. JMHO.