So glad I did not wait!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2010
So glad I did not wait!
5
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 9:58am

So I ended contact on Thursday. I was very, very, VERY tempted to wait until after the long weekend was over. Why, you may ask? Well, because my birthday was Saturday. I was hoping that he would actually write to me over the weekend to say "Happy Birthday". That maybe he would shower me with love and sweetness like he used to. However, that would not change a dang thing. Even if he did do that on that ONE day...it would only be because he felt obligated. After having seen all these stories, I realized that I was only prolonging what I needed to do. I realized that I was only going to hurt myself more.

So, the weekend has come and gone. I kept my phone in my purse away from me. I spent amazing quality time with my husband and son. I let my husband use my phone without me freaking out that something may be there that shouldn't be. I realize just how much I really do love sex with my husband.

Thoughts on my ex AP include:

-He was not really that smart. I love smart men. My husband is super smart and I LOVE when he explains physics to me! Ex AP gets freaked out when I try to discuss anything like that with him. Either because he doesn't get it, or because if I did not agree with him, he did not want to hear it.

-The one time we had sex, it was mediocre at best. That is why we never had sex again after. He totally would have, but I was so put off by it. Why I continued wanting him after that is baffling. Actually, it's probably the addiction at that point. He could talk a good game...but boy did he come up short when it came time to play!

-He is a coward. He has no balls.

-He is a liar.

-He is deceptive.

-He is weak.

-Even though neither of us ever had any intention of leaving our spouses...he is NOT someone I would ever want to be in a long term relationship with. It was 17 years of curiosity that got me to where I am.

-I had idealized him in my head. I saw him through my 16 year old self. When you are 16 and a virgin, the sex seems amazing....I now know different!

-He is BORING! Snoozefest. Nothing exciting about him. I think he lived vicariously through me. I am a free spirit and I guess he liked that.

So, this is the guy I could have destroyed my marriage for???? Really???? Talk about a fog! I was in therapy in my early 20's. I went for 6 years for self esteem issues. I came out a new person. In the course of 3 years this bland individual was able to tear down all that I worked for. Actually, I ALLOWED him to do so. So sick. So sad.

The habit will slowly fade away. I am going to finally allow a healthy and real love from my family and friends to envelope me. Maybe some good came out of this "A" after all. I now appreciate what I have and will no longer take it for granted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 10:14am

Hey itsjustme, CONGRATULATIONS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 1:57pm

Happy Belated Birthday IJM!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 10:59pm
Will you admit the affair to your husband? You describe him as a good guy, so wouldn't it be fair to admit to him what happened? I know its a risk, but don't you think he deserves to know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2010
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 9:15am

Thanks again guys! I really feel good. So far, I don't miss him at all. I have been working out a lot and I think that helps a bit! I figured it helped me to quit smoking, it should help with this too! So far, so good!

To Lyrianstar: I am not going to tell my husband. I have discussed this with my therapist and she feels no need for me to tell him either. My therapist and I did agree that if I start talking to my exAP again, then I will tell my husband. So I have even more incentive to stay NC. However, talking to exAP is not an option!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 9:52am

Hi IJM- I can't think of a better birthday present. Congrats to you. Keep it up.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/