This is so hard!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2004
This is so hard!
13
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:45pm
I am so upset. I think Free was right when she said I have to let go of my friend. I just don't know how. I am in love with him. Sometimes I wonder if he truly loves me, although he always tells me he does. He always, always reasures me that I am so special to him. But then there are times when days go by even weeks and he doesn't call or email. I check my email only to be so dissappointed that he didn't email me. He will tell me that he has been so busy at work that he did not have time. (which in his job is possible) We've loved each other for years now but I also know that I can't go on like we are. The phone sex was good for a while and the affair this summer made me wonder if I truly knew what sex was all about before this summer. It was incredible. And not just because it was good sex but because there was love there too. But....is Free right, is it all in my mind, do I have a fantasy of someone I've created? I mean, I love him and he loves me and I know it is true and honest, but I also know I have a family and a wonderful husband who has not gotten the attention he deserves since we saw each other this summer. I am just so consumed by thoughts of him and want for him. I just wish this wasn't so hard. My heart hurts so badly. I still have had no contact with him, although I've picked up my cell a dozen times today and looked at the clock to call. I HAVEN'T! I am proud of myself for that because the day will be over soon and he will be at home for the weekend and we've never contacted each other at our homes. So at least Saturday and Sunday will be easy not to call but keeping him from my thoughts will still be hard. And I have to be honest and say I will feel hurt if he doesn't email me before he leaves for the weekend or doesn't try to call me at least. But why am I hurting when I am trying to cut it off? I don't know if I am going to get through this or not. Thanks for listening!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 4:01pm
Girl

I know how hard it is I really do, but I have also seen what happens when the affair is allowed to destroy your life and family, some people never recover from it, others will spend years in T trying to deal with it, then there is the fallout that the kids will be dealing with for the rest of there lives, there is losts of good research that shows the damage caused by affairs can ripple through several generations.

You need to do this not just to save your self from a personal trip through hell but to save your HUSBAND AND CHILDREN AND THERE CHILDREN from the consequences of your actions.

Time to stop doing the ME ME thinking and work toward a more balanced thinking that includes you hubby and children but can no longer include an XMM, having him in your life in any way at all is a continued threat to the future well being of your children.

You can do this, you must do it what other option to you really have.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 8:05am
Free, I am trying hard to do what you said and think only of my family. I have such a great family too. I keep trying to push is smile and voice out of my mind. This is totally the hardest thing I have ever done and I wonder how long I can be strong enough to do it. I am really trying to remember what you said about this being my only choice. I didn't really want to hear what you said about it all, infact it hurt, but I have to be honest to tell you I am glad I did. It has helped me to focus on my family. I just pray I'll be able to stay strong when he does call.

Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 7:14pm
Girl

You can count on that prayer.

The secret if there is one to to remember that it is not really about strength as it is about makeing the right Decisions, the decisions that are right for the people that have put there lives in your hands your husband and children, if you destroy them trying to satisfy the URGE there is no way you will ever be happy with that man.

Some thing like 97 percent of affair based relationsships die 95 + percent with in one year of going public and about 80 percent of them that last long enough to get married end in divorce, so if you were to get the other man you almost assure your self of a second divorce and children that will have to live through having to homes wrecked.

Girl I know it is hard stuff to read but you ask women that did leave there husbands expecting the other man to do the same, your going to discover very few ever follow through and leave there wife, they talk talk talk but about 95 percent never follow through and leave the other woman holding the bag for destroying the lives of her husband and children.

It is not some place you want to go.

Choose your family.

Free

Pages