so here's to day two

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
so here's to day two
6
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 9:28am

I slept good again, still not feeling the sorrow I'm expecting. We haven't gone two hours without talking in so long let alone two days.

So a bit about what I've been going through for months I've been i guess maybe depressed, could sleep all day or at least lay in bed, didn't do much around the house my bedroom became where i lived unless i was seeing him that is. I was stuck maybe in this limbo waiting for him to leave for us to start. Start what I'm married to what did i think i was starting'. I couldn't sleep at night God what a mess, my bills and budget are a mess, my house is surfaced clean but if you really look omg. I've gained probably twenty l bs and i was gym nut. All i felt stress and anxiety sprinkled with moments of good that didn't last. I hope I'm ok and not a mess right now cuz I'm just done period. Scared the heart break its coming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 1:00pm
Baggage reclaim is like some savior, wow if your waiving read there. On my way home from work i had a small cry just now, was feeling sorry for myself and if I'm honest expected him to show up in some form. I'm of to baggage to read more!
Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 11:58am

Happy, have you seen a doctor lately?  Maybe you are suffering from some form of derpession, and it oculd very well be A or post-A related.  I remember feeling the way you are about this time last year, I took some anti-Ds or mood elevators as Clarity likes to call them, for a while and it helped me get over the hump that is impossible to get over by will power alone. 

There is lots of negative stamina surrounding depression in my family, I  had to tell my mum, my doctor diagnosed winter blues due to lack of daylight.  By springtime, I was in a much better place and could drop the anti-Ds.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 11:45am

And of course there is plenty of reading material...here, baggage reclaim is a great site, book stores, libraries...many people have had to do on their own if therapy wasn't an option.

Atwitsend, who posted here....I think I saw her here years ago...post recently on another board a saying something to the effect of "I realized that I didn't really want you...I wanted you to want me."  And to me, that about sums it up for a lot of us...all ego, pure and simple.  And that's reinforced by...when the fog has lifted...'what was I thinking?'  

More more often than not, we mourn the loss of the drama, the fantasy-based hopes and dreams, the precious time we wasted chasing this pipe dream, and all that passed us by as we were doing so....and not so much the person.

Don't worry about that which has not materialized...enjoy the peace that is washing over you now.  You may get through this without the heavy sense of loss, but if not, we're here...a collective shoulder to cry on.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 11:29am

A trusted friend, then? A minister if you're a church-goer?

And, of course, us.

--Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 11:22am
I've tried several therapists over the years and never have any luck with them, can't at the moment i need to fix the mess I've made of our finances before i can even consider going
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 10:58am

Are you seeing a therapist? You will need support. Drink a lot of soothing liquids (peppermint tea works for me) and get outside if you can make yourself do it. Walk and look around at the beauties of the world that you have been missing while you've been mired in your self-made pit of misery. They are waiting for you. Keep a journal so you can look at it six months from now and realize how far you've come and how good it is to be at peace with yourself.

Keep advancing the ball, as RatherBeMe says.

--Bird