so i broke- but om didn't-Thank god
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| Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:16am |
Here's a little background. Met OM last year when Dh and i were having some issues. On the verge of a d but no one had the balls to fix it or move on. Became good friends with Om(he is single). Developed into more around Christmas. The l word came out. Fast forward to Feb. He wants to marry me. I don't know how to make one marriage work do you think i can leave out of that one and race into another. He wants to take care of me. Its all a little overwhelming. Around this time i stepped back and realized i hadn't given dh a fair chance.
I broke it off 3 times with om. The last being a week ago. This time for good. But Dh and i are pg and my weak hormones got the best of me last night.
Here are some things that are helping me get through this-because despite what OM thinks i do love him which is why i walked away.
I have got to stop comparing Dh to OM. What dh lacks, om mnakes up for me emotionally. What om lacks dh amkes up for. Its not fair to wither of them, especially dh.
So, we are working on this and it sucks but the light at the end of the tunnel is i love dh, i don't "regret" the A- i taught me alot. I will not have one again. I got out before it destroyed lives but i know Om is on a place he didn't think he would be right now.
I am lucky. I will carry this secret to the grave. But it helps to be able to talk to you guys. some days the pain is just unbearable. Here is the song that i have been listening to on repeat every day for the last week:
Sarah mclaughlin- Fallen
Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
sbo :)
"i don't deny being young and stupid but who does"

As far as comparing dh to OM, somewhere on here someone described it like this: Our dh's are 90% perfect for us, while the OMs provide the 10% that the dh's lack.
Congrats on being pg! :) Keep reading & posting. This place has helped me so much.