so i broke- but om didn't-Thank god

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
so i broke- but om didn't-Thank god
2
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:16am
Yeah, i had a hormonal breakdown last night and called Om. went to vm after two rings- meaning he directed it there- and left the worst most pathetic message=" I'm weak, i know i shouldn't have called, wanted to know how you were, okay i'll hang up, uh bye". I immediatly turned off my phone. No vm for me this morning for which i am greatful for.

Here's a little background. Met OM last year when Dh and i were having some issues. On the verge of a d but no one had the balls to fix it or move on. Became good friends with Om(he is single). Developed into more around Christmas. The l word came out. Fast forward to Feb. He wants to marry me. I don't know how to make one marriage work do you think i can leave out of that one and race into another. He wants to take care of me. Its all a little overwhelming. Around this time i stepped back and realized i hadn't given dh a fair chance.

I broke it off 3 times with om. The last being a week ago. This time for good. But Dh and i are pg and my weak hormones got the best of me last night.

Here are some things that are helping me get through this-because despite what OM thinks i do love him which is why i walked away.

I have got to stop comparing Dh to OM. What dh lacks, om mnakes up for me emotionally. What om lacks dh amkes up for. Its not fair to wither of them, especially dh.

So, we are working on this and it sucks but the light at the end of the tunnel is i love dh, i don't "regret" the A- i taught me alot. I will not have one again. I got out before it destroyed lives but i know Om is on a place he didn't think he would be right now.

I am lucky. I will carry this secret to the grave. But it helps to be able to talk to you guys. some days the pain is just unbearable. Here is the song that i have been listening to on repeat every day for the last week:

Sarah mclaughlin- Fallen

Heaven Bend to take my hand

And lead me through the fire

Be the long awaited answer

To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I tried my best

But somewhere long the way

I got caught up in all there was to offer

But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried I've fallen

I have sunk so low

I messed up

Better I should know

So don't come round here and

Tell me I told you so

We all begin out with good intent

When love is raw and young

We believe that we can change ourselves

The past can be undone

But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals

In the lonely light of morning

In the wound that would not heal

It's the bitter taste of losing everything

I've held so dear


sbo :)

"i don't deny being young and stupid but who does"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:25pm
I'm new to this board and new to ending an affair so all I can do is send you my best wishes and prayers. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:58pm
Hugs to you, I know exactly how you are feeling. Don't feel bad about breaking NC, it happens to the strongest of us! Just pick yourself up and start over again. Baby steps -- get through one hour, one day at a time for now. It will get easier, I promise, with just the occasional difficult day thrown in to test you! That's 6 months of experience talking. ;-)

As far as comparing dh to OM, somewhere on here someone described it like this: Our dh's are 90% perfect for us, while the OMs provide the 10% that the dh's lack.

Congrats on being pg! :) Keep reading & posting. This place has helped me so much.