So, I ended it for good... again.(long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
So, I ended it for good... again.(long)
3
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:49am
I have been having a LDR purely emotional affair for 8 months, mostly emails and a few phone calls. In the beginning quite heated etc.. but we talked in January and he said he would be planning a business trip soon, and will take care of all the details for us--- that he owed me... ( i think he does ) but then there was nothing after that. And the last 3 weeks, not a single reply to letters or email and one or two messages. I just felt so useless and walked on. I went away with H and had a great time. We laughed and talked and had great s** and sure i thought of OM, but when i checked my email after a week and there was nothing, i just felt stupid. I think thats what I feel most of the time stupid, and used, and like i can't get a hold of him or to him and that hurts-

I flipped out last friday. I called him and said that this trip he's taking ( its next week) that i won't come to meet him. That one of us has to be adult and 3 weeks of no contact from him is ridiculious. I won't stand for it anymore. Then i found an appropriate card and emphasised what a great time I had with H, and wondered what the hell i was doing with OM, waiting, and could destroy everything for what?? Thanks for it all, i'm done-

Sent that off, but that night for some dumb reason called his house and talked to his W. I just wanted to talk to him, but think he's been ignoring my calls, so she answered and i asked something about him bringing something to my company when he comes here. She said he doesn't have it. Its already been delivered. She was so short, and rude that I am sure something is going on. Of course I DON*T KNOW anything. Has she found out? has she seen the phone bill, has he told, i don't know a thing, and its annoying. I feel so desperate and frustrated. I want to call him all the time. To see what he thinks of it all.

and next week.. he will be in town. How easy it will be to call. My H is also out of town, he had to go away anyway, but i coaxed him into leaving next weekend, and now i wil be just alone and a mess...

i think its for the best.. but if he fell outta it for me, wouldn't he have been a man and said something. Not just ignoring me for 3 weeks, hoping that what, i would go away.

i got him on the phone 3 weeks ago for about 5 seconds and he said everything was arranged and that he had to go.. and since then nothing.. I just feel sick inside, thinking of him, and how i know he WON*T contact me next week. and how sad this all has been for me. Maybe its for the best..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:21am
Screen your calls in case he does happen to call. You're in a better place if you put a stop to it now. As hard as it will be, it will be even worse if there is any physical contact. Trust me on this, my A was mosty emotional and got really weird when it turned physical. It never was sexual, but everything was just too different.

My gut says his W knows something, but don't let him work his way back in when he is away from her and more relaxed. As tempting as this will be to meet up with him, it is a really bad idea. Keep yourself busy and away from him. Someday you will be glad you did.

JMHO

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 9:01am
This man's actions is taking you to a scary and pathetic place. Trust me, I have been there. Waiting around for a man to call and wondering what is going on is enough to drive anyone mad. Calling his wife took alot of chutzpah on your part. What did that prove? IF this man really gave a flying crap about you, then you would know what the story was, and you would be talking to him, not his wife.

I say you did the right thing by ending it for good. Just let it go. It isn't worth the trouble you have been going through wondering and waiting. And besides, do we have the right to expect any differently in an A? When you are in an A you pretty much are setting yourself up to get crumbs, then when we get the crumbs we don't like it. It just sounds to me like this man is more trouble then what he is worth. He just wanted to set up a mistress for his business trip. Follow your instincts and end this thing for good.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:03am
thanks for the imput ladies.. It was definately passionate and chemical the one day we did meet up in aug. We met in the afternoon at the airport and no kissing, just holding and talking and i was just telling him and me that this wasn't going any further that day. I am glad i did. I don't know why i called. Just to see if he heard it was really over i guess. Yeah it didn't prove anything. I just hope his wife ripped him a new one when she got off the phone with me.. at the very least it will hopefully show him i am sick of being the lump on the back burner that he can ignore and play with when HE wants to.

I want something and deserve someone that wants to play all the time- we all do. We all deserve the attention we crave, and its a horrible desperate place to be wanting and needing and craving someone that although wants it, is too lazy or doesnt care enough to do something about... jerk.. thanks for the imput..