So I said good-bye

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
So I said good-bye
3
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 10:25pm

Hello all-

Hope your weekend was uneventful, no MM/MW drama.

DH returns tomorrow! I am excited, nervous, saddened, hopeful, etc but one emotion doesn't stay for long.

Thursday night, I had a few...quite a few. I cried, cried, cried, and cried some more!! Almost an attempt to try to purge all the hurt in time for DH's return. Like that is going to be possible. I wrote my good-bye letter to MM. I read it, re-read it, sat overnight with it, and sent it Friday afternoon (of course with a read receipt so I know if he read it!!) It was really, really hard for me to send because unlike all other letters I have sent him before, this one I closed the door completely on this A for good. He finally read it this afternoon, and he didn't respond. That was my intention, right? So why do I feel so....bluck?

Too much has happened between us for this not to be over. We can't even be friends and I made that clear in the letter. This is final!!! He never belonged to me, I never belonged to him. Am I really expecting him to say all the things I feel? Men aren't like women- very few have the ability to express what/how they feel. He told me he cared over and over again...told me he was falling in love with me...so I have to believe this isn't easy for him. As hard as it feels for me, probably not- but still I am sure not easy for him. Especially since he would have very much liked to continue to eat his cake- even with DH being home. Why can't I feel good about this choice I made? I made a choice to be a faithful wife again. There is only good in that decision.

Just venting-

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:30am

u made the right choice, more power to u, i wish i can be in the point right now, small steps will lead to bigger ones

take care,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 8:09am

Sunshine

I am proud of you! You have made a tough choice but in the long run you will see it is the right one. I know you are a bundle of emotions right now between ending your A and your H coming hope. Don't force anything. Take it slow. You may need to sneak in the shower for a cry hear and there and that is ok. It will get better. Remember what we say..celebrate the small successes!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow!

HUGS

Bria

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:07am

SS

In time you will feel good about the decision you made, right now your can expect to feel loss, BUT it will get better and in time you will be just plain glad you did it and made it stick. (Don't be surprised when XMM tests your resolve at some point(s) in the future because he will).

Your going to go through periods of guilt and remorse for some time to come even as you relieve over ending it gets stronger and clearer.

I hope your reunion with your husband is the very best it can be.

Free