So impressed with...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
So impressed with...
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 2:24am
everyones replies to the positive things that have come out of their affairs that I'm BACK!!! I'm asking for something new though! What are each of US WILLING TO DO TO MAKE THIS PART OF HISTORY???

I am willing to give my marriage 1000%!

I am willing to make my XOM part of my past forever! Done Deal!!!

I am willing to extend both of my hands to those who are willing to heal!


I am willing to never judge!

I am willing to cyber hug each of you till you find the willingness in yourselves to let go/find peace/come to terms/ or whatever you want to call it! You just gotta call it something willingly darn-it! Like "I will not take anymore of this junk because I DESERVE BETTER!" Each of us deserves better then LIES, DECEPTION, HEARTBREAK, and BETRAYAL! Karma is a powerful thing! What goes around comes around! You lie ? You will be lied to! You cheat? You will be cheated on!

I was reading posts today and closed out and went to chat with someone from this board! Ended up talking for hours on the phone!!! You know why??? Because I started counting how many times I saw the word HATE posted here! No can do!!! Hate is a powerful word! Be careful how you use it! You may DISLIKE things but Hate??? KARMA, KARMA, KARMA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:25am
You asked this one on a tough day... what am I willing to do to make it history? I believe that making it history also includes making amends...

I had SUCH a bad day yesterday (Friday)... missed him so much that I was the closest I have ever been to going back to him... and it has been almost 4 months since we ended things. It was probably only fate that he was called away by someone before we started talking or I might have said something I shouldn't have... and it's a good thing it's the weekend now too - some time for me to breathe and gather my thoughts again... so here goes:

I am willing to put 110% into my marriage.

I am willing to forgive my H for not being able to read my mind.

I am willing to work on forgiving myself, including sticking with my much-needed therapy.

I am willing to forgive XMM for being a weak man who can't keep his pants zipped.

I am willing to keep posting here, even when the truth hurts, because it healing is not always pleasant, but the other choice (to keep going and not get out of this EMA) is NOT AN OPTION.

I am willing to share what I have learned with others, to offer support, advice, acceptance, and at times just a big hug when needed.

I am willing to work on rebuilding connections with my friends and family - people I neglected way too much while caught up in the self-absorption of the EMA. This was not a nice side-effect. I owe my friends and family - especially my children - the gift of my time and undivided ATTENTION.

Hope everyone has a good weekend...


Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 8:33am
Sweetblonde, that was an incredible post! What fun we had talking and laughing last night, huh? Life is way to short ladies to allow ourselves to become negative individuals because we have gone through an affair. Being a positive person and experiencing life to its fullest is a choice, not something we just can't do because we have such a hum drum life! Learn to count blessings when you want to complain. Learn how to see truth when you get caught up in the fantasy and try to lie to yourself. Learn to love others without expecting something in return. Learn to free yourself from the burden of having an affair. There are some very strong ladies on this board who take their time to reach out to help others because they are GRATEFUL for those who were here and reached out to help each of them when they needed a way out.

I am WILLING to work very hard to not let my frustration get the best of me when I reach out to help someone here and they choose not to take it. I am WILLING to let that same person get upset with me for telling them like it is because my motivation is not to hurt or embarrass but to help eliminate their pain. I am WILLING to accept when I've been too hard on someone (Miss Casey) and say I'm sorry sweetie. I am WILLING to continue to keep the MM out of my life until he gets his straight and/or I am COMPLETELY over any emotional feelings about him. How do you measure that? Well I've said it before and it's a good time to say it again. You KNOW you are over it when the MM/OM/OMM can talk about their W or significant other and the wonderful romantic evening they just shared and it not have an effect on you. Until then, NO GO. Bag the friendship - it only leads to additional pain.

I am WILLING to do whatever it takes to get used to this new board! :) Isn't it funny how we all balk at the idea of change? I am WILLING to work on my stubborn attitude when it comes to little things like this and work through it no matter how disgruntled I may get in the process. I am WILLING to reach out with love to anyone who comes here in pain and wanting out of it.

I am WILLING to give it 100% at keeping my life on track and only looking forward. I am WILLING to realize that dabbling with the memory of the A and all it encompassed only makes me weak and feel more pain. Last but certainly not least, I am WILLING to pray for the same for all of you each and every day.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:35pm
This week marks...

6 months since my affair ended - I was heartbroken.

6 weeks of no contact - I finally got realistic.

It also marks 20 years of marriage. For the past several years I have begged my husband NOT to acknowledge our anniversary. It insults me to have him go through the motions of celebrating our anniverasry because it is a painful reminder of his lack of commitment and neglect. After years of "I'm sorry, I'll try to do better" (but no action) I just quit caring.

Glinda, and others, I admire you for your goals and I wish I could adopt them but I guess I am still licking my wounds. That one idea about devoting more time to family and friends, I could start with that as a baby step. I did neglect a lot of people and projects while I was wrapped up in the EMA. This board is indeed a source of validation and inspiration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 4:11pm
What a great post!!! And what great responses!!!! This one made me think.

I am willing:

To give %100 to my family

To look forward to life instead of looking back wistfully

To be fair to myself and to those in my life in communicating that there are things I want and need to be happy as well as trying desperately to make everyone else happy!!

I am willing to leave well enough alone with OM. He deserves to find happiness in life and I have no right to try and drag him backwards in finding it!!

I am willing to start having a little faith in myself, I am strong, smart, capable and beautiful inside and out and it is time that I start believing it!!!

I am willing to take an honest look at my marriage and make decisions that will be the best for my H, my daughter and myself!!!

Thank you so much for making me think beyond my hurt today!!!

Have a wonderful rest of the weekend,