So lonely today
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So lonely today
| Sun, 11-28-2004 - 9:34am |
I woke up this morning feeling worse than ever! My girls have been at their dad's for the weekend, and it's so quiet here. I've been trying to keep myself busy to pass the time until I hear from MM and know what the he11 is going on at their house after all he11 breaking loose over there. For the 1st time in our whole relationship I think I'm starting to feel anger toward him. He's never done anything before that had made me actually MAD! I just get the sense that there should have been a way he could've contacted me. Even if it's over, he should have enough respect for me to let me know! At this point, I would even take another nasty e-mail from HER. Maybe that would give me a clue!! And now I have to be to work 2 hrs early on Monday, so if he tries to call me at his normal time, I won't be able to get the call. IF he doesn't call me at all on Monday, I'm surely not calling him! I guess that would be my answer. I don't want to be angry with him. I don't even know the circumstances yet, but it's so hard!!! All I can think is maybe he thinks it would be better to tell me in person, that he decided to stay, and not in a short sneaky phone call while she's in the shower. I keep thinking to myself how incredibly hurt I'll be if he doesn't give us a chance, but then I think that SHE will be 100 times more hurt than I would if he does. I feel so low, lonely, selfish, guilty but want him so bad. Now I understand why it's called a ROLLERCOASTER!! Thanks for letting me vent. I'll feel better tonight when my girls are home. I'll keep you posted!
