So stupid, broke NC
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So stupid, broke NC
| Mon, 12-07-2009 - 10:24am |
Hello... I'm new here. I had been posting at cyber cheating and emotional affairs, but have been lurking here for a little bit and thought I'd post. It's pretty dead over there and there are many more active members here it seems. I don't know if I should post here, as my affair was an EA, but it's gone on all year, I've been riding the rollercoaster. We live far away from each other, but we have literally spent hours and hours talking, chatting and Skyping. I know if we were in the same room it would have been a PA, no question. So at this point I am really glad we never were!
I'll try to sum this up quickly. We met at a support site for a medical condition we both had that required a very major surgery and pretty long recovery. It's a great place, we are both still members there, it's really like a family. We became friendly while he was recovering, mine had been a year before. And it just grew from there. No one was more surprised that me to be in that situation. I know it sounds crazy but we grew to love each other. I really do still care about him, we became very close. Problem is of course that I am M with kids, and he has a GF and a child. Anyhow, we have gone through periods of NC but they never last. Recently he was out of town for a month, so away from GF. As soon as he was gone, he was talking to me all the time, every chance he got he would Skype me, and we hadn't Skyped in months, I figured b/c of his GF, he had also stopped chatting with me. But he always called when he said he would, always had the sweetest things to say and texting constantly.... yes, I got completely caught up in it. Even when his trip was about over, I said something like I hope we'll talk again one day. I knew what was coming since he was going home. So things haven't been the same since, we talked some, then I decided I'm sick of this and to go NC. It was surprisingly really easy this time, too! I was so proud of myself, and he didn't try to contact me. I was amazed how much, little by little, I was thinking of him less and less. I didn't even have anything to say to him if I wanted to. Then Sat. morning I woke up, and I had posted something at the board where we met, I don't post as often but I still do, we both do and probably always will. Well, he had responded to my post and said something like he hopes I keep posting updates because my avatar photo is Gorrrrrgeous! I was literally speechless and I think my face turned 5 shades of red, even though I was alone. I couldn't even decide what to do. I mean, this was a totally different forum, he was showing support, it's really like a family on there. It took me a few hours, but I posted something really short back and said thanks. Which should have been the end of it, but that day I found he had creeped back into my head, with just those few words! I couldn't stop thinking about him, which was SO annoying. The last night on FB I wrote him and just said hi how have you been. Well, he didn't even write back, so now I feel like a total idiot. I knew I shouldn't have written it and left things as they were. I saw on FB that he was just on there and still hadn't bothered writing me back. I know I should unfriend him, but even during NC I just couldn't, I guess since we are connected through the other site anyways. I don't know why I don't.
Anyhow, thanks so much for listening, I just had to get it out how really and truly dumb I feel. I think you seem like a great group of ladies and know your problems are a lot bigger. I guess I feel like I can relate b/c I considered doing all kinds of things during the height of this "affair".
I'll try to sum this up quickly. We met at a support site for a medical condition we both had that required a very major surgery and pretty long recovery. It's a great place, we are both still members there, it's really like a family. We became friendly while he was recovering, mine had been a year before. And it just grew from there. No one was more surprised that me to be in that situation. I know it sounds crazy but we grew to love each other. I really do still care about him, we became very close. Problem is of course that I am M with kids, and he has a GF and a child. Anyhow, we have gone through periods of NC but they never last. Recently he was out of town for a month, so away from GF. As soon as he was gone, he was talking to me all the time, every chance he got he would Skype me, and we hadn't Skyped in months, I figured b/c of his GF, he had also stopped chatting with me. But he always called when he said he would, always had the sweetest things to say and texting constantly.... yes, I got completely caught up in it. Even when his trip was about over, I said something like I hope we'll talk again one day. I knew what was coming since he was going home. So things haven't been the same since, we talked some, then I decided I'm sick of this and to go NC. It was surprisingly really easy this time, too! I was so proud of myself, and he didn't try to contact me. I was amazed how much, little by little, I was thinking of him less and less. I didn't even have anything to say to him if I wanted to. Then Sat. morning I woke up, and I had posted something at the board where we met, I don't post as often but I still do, we both do and probably always will. Well, he had responded to my post and said something like he hopes I keep posting updates because my avatar photo is Gorrrrrgeous! I was literally speechless and I think my face turned 5 shades of red, even though I was alone. I couldn't even decide what to do. I mean, this was a totally different forum, he was showing support, it's really like a family on there. It took me a few hours, but I posted something really short back and said thanks. Which should have been the end of it, but that day I found he had creeped back into my head, with just those few words! I couldn't stop thinking about him, which was SO annoying. The last night on FB I wrote him and just said hi how have you been. Well, he didn't even write back, so now I feel like a total idiot. I knew I shouldn't have written it and left things as they were. I saw on FB that he was just on there and still hadn't bothered writing me back. I know I should unfriend him, but even during NC I just couldn't, I guess since we are connected through the other site anyways. I don't know why I don't.
Anyhow, thanks so much for listening, I just had to get it out how really and truly dumb I feel. I think you seem like a great group of ladies and know your problems are a lot bigger. I guess I feel like I can relate b/c I considered doing all kinds of things during the height of this "affair".

Hanvan,
First, I would like to welcome you to EAS. Emotional affairs are just as addictive an a full blown physical affair so you are in the right place. Many have come and gone from this site, and there is one underlying theme consistant for them all; affairs become habitual in nature and even when they are on their way out, cutting that final
~Iddy~
Thanks so much again! Will check out the library you told me of.