Someone, anyone, help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Someone, anyone, help
6
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 11:56am


I am in so much pain today its almost unbearable. XOM texted me 2 words just the other day "Miss you". I pondered for a while, wondering what to do. On the one hand, I could ignore that text message, leave him wondering why I was not responding. In the end, I responded, telling him I missed him too but I needed to move on with my life and that he was not helping with messages like that. Thankfully he stopped messaging me thereafter. Our relationship was always fraught with confusion and misunderstanding, and I had enough of that. I don't want to lie about my feelings anymore. I don't want to hide anymore. I just want to move on with my life.

Why is it so difficult? I am in day 30 of my NC and just when I feel I am seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel, the pain starts to set in again. I had a dream last night about XOM in our happier days. And I woke up crying. Why can't I dream of the pain instead? That would make it all so much easier for me. I have been sitting here reading all the post on this board, hoping this will take away the urge I have to pick up the phone and call him. I have finished reading all the recent posts and still I feel this urge to talk to him. To make matters worse, the radio is now playing "our song" as I write. I should just throw the radio out of the window. Someone PLEASEEEE send more postings so that I have something to read and stop me from calling!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 12:24pm
Hi tweety,

I came here just to vent myself today and find both of us in a similar situation. I have been doing ok and moving forward, or so I thought. Have not been in total nc, but it has lessened a lot.

Xmm contacted me Thursday night to let me know that he has won a rather prestigious award, something that he had been nominated for several years in a row and not won. Well, this year, he won. I had a dream, or should I say nightmare, about it. Won't get into the details, but it involved his stbx on his arm being very proud and me being suffocated by her brother.

Reality hit. Just as you, I miss him so much at times, even though I am trying to move on and am seeing someone else. The reality is that I cannot be the one to share in this recognition with him. I am in the shadows giving my silent support. That is not a good place to be.

I also came here to read and to avoid trying to make contact with him. All of the contact recently has been initiated by him. I sometimes respond and sometimes don't.

I have no real words of encouragement for you other than to tell you that you are not alone today. I am trying to keep myself busy, once I got my lazy butt out of bed.

On the one hand, I want to hear from him. On the other, I realize that it is not in either of our best interests to hear from him.

He lives 400 miles away now and has been in my town twice in the last two weeks for job interviews and I have not seen him. Even though he is going through a divorce now, to jump back into a relationship with me is not a good idea. We have been through so much and so many horrible things have been said, that I don't think we can go back.

So, please tweety, be strong and don't contact him. Keep busy, keep reading, keep posting, anything so you don't set yourself any further back.

My best to you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 12:46pm
Bless you.

This is the hardest part. You'll make it.

Honestly, I read your post and detect soooo sooo much strength. Go to the head of the class, and collect a golden star!!! You lose no "NC" points... Yeah. You emailed back, but you only did so to protect NC.

WOW!

You're an inspiration to others right now.. I hope your post gets a lot of "hits".

Tweetybird, my ass! You're one tough chick!!!!! You're more like that tough little guy that always tangles w/ foghorn-leghorn... that "Chickenhawk" character! Go ahead and say it three times, and I bet it get's a little smile out of you... "I'm a chickenhawk!" (thrusting your thumb toward your chest)

;o)

Stay strong. You're doing great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 1:10pm
Hi Riverguy

Yes, you are right. That did get a smile out of me. :)

Thanks so much for the wonderful support and encouragement. I sure need tonnes of that right now!

As for getting a golden star, I think you are far more deserving of that accolade than me. I have read your posts, including the ones that you posted in October last year (I was curious about your story) and you have been a tower of strength for everyone out here. You did the right thing. I only wished I had been as half as strong as you, to stop it before it became emotional and physical.

tweetybird

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 7:40pm
I like riverguy's suggestion about your posting name too. YOU sound much tougher than the name tweetybird sounds, except that tweety did always outsmart Sylvester!

You're doing great. I think a message like the one you got from your former guy would have killed me. It's like they somehow KNOW you're getting stronger & they hit you from behind. Suddenly you're mush again. And that little bit of a message -- no guilt trip or long gushy thing you might have rolled your eyes at. 2 little words. Enough to grab your heart. That dastardly Sylvester!!

Stay as busy as you can. Keep working to make your life what you want it to be. You deserve all the good stuff & no more junk in your life.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 7:56pm
hi tweetybird!

i hear your anguish. but i can hear you strength too. hang in there. i know it feels like you're okay one day, and the next, you feel lonely. but you'll get through it. after a while the good days will outnumber the bad days. but you have to give yourself a chance. i wish it could happen overnight. but i think this time isn't just about healing, it's also about re-discovering and re-defining yourself.

kudos for being able to tell him you miss him but that you have to move on. it was truthful, yet firm. i think we're all entitled to breaking NC if it means ultimately shutting the door.

there's this saying that i sometimes think about...

"if you're going through hell, keep going..."

keep going, tweety. you'll get through it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 4:05am
Thank you all sooo much. I made it through the weekend without calling him. What a relief!

You guys are angels! If there is anything good that came out of this A, it is the people I met on this board. It is lovely to find out that there can be so much good and warmth in people, people I have not even met and people I don't even know and yet know so well (how ironic). God bless all of you.

I have tonnes of work in the week ahead so that should keep me busy. I am however dreading the week after... XOM will be in town for a few days. In the office. His room is barely 10 feet away from mine. Looks like I have to resort to locking myself in my room again for an entire week and only come out when I absolutely have to go to the ladies! And even if I make it through that week, there is the upcoming week long business trip overseas which XOM will be attending as well. Help!!