Someone Please Tell Me
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| Tue, 11-10-2009 - 2:26pm |
Its been 4 months and its still hard. Im trying to focus on my marriage and some days I feel OK about it but I still have the what if thoughts about AP going through my head. Ive started to compare my H to him and H always comes out on top , I still miss AP and I dont know why.
Im still checking my email for him...I dont rush to the phone in hopes that its him anymore. I cried the last time H and I had sex because all I could think of was AP afterwards. I feel like emailing him and bringing a whole world of hurt down on him but the fact is he would read a line and delete it. I checked his email, I couldnt stop myself....well yep hes involved with another woman who has 2 children as well. I want so badly to email her and warn her, educate her about him and I want him to be unhappy. I want him to be mirserable, and to cry just alittle so he knows what it feels like. Im angry, I know, its what to do with this anger? How do you move on? How do you let it go? I thought by this stage it would have been let go.
For everyone who has healed and moved on from an A, how do you do it? show me the way please.


Hi Debbra,
I’m sorry that you are struggling. There is a lot in your email so I will try to go point by point.
<< Im still checking my email for him...>> Why haven’t you blocked his email address?
<> For me, most of my anger was at myself. I didn’t have much anger towards xAP until I broke NC after 6 mos. which I have posted about previously here on EAS. That was over a year and a half ago. (I’m two plus years out of PA.)
Like you I found the xAP was going after another M woman. She has three kids. He lied to me about it all. This is when I started developing anger for him. It’s a long tale about the revenge road that I traveled down. I did contact the new GF (M woman) anonymously and tried to warn her. She even found some proof on her own. Long story short. He lied his was out of it. If lying was a profession he would be the president of a company by now.
Here’s what I learned about anger and revenge.
1)
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
E1~God Bless you and hugs
Ive been making myself crazy- Ive had all this internal dialog going on that I completely lost my sense.
So much of what you said made so much sense , I had 2 ah-ha moments and serval 'uh huh youre rights' in your post. Ive read it a few times now and each time Im finding Im drawing sense, strength, comfort and knowledge from it.
You asked why I havent blocked his email? Its because I want to think that when and if he contacts me again that I will be strong enough not to responde but in all honestly blocking his email now is showing just how strong I really am....to me.
So glad that it helped!
Hope you did block the email.
Much love and big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
D -
I was in the same position you are in regarding blocking him from your email.
Hi Gal,
Thank you for your words of experience. My A wasnt as long as yours but as I look back on the last decade of my life, it has been that long since the fog came in.
I now realize that by not blocking and checking that email is giving me that mini heartattack you mentioned. I dont want that, I dont want him in the back of my mind. I realized something the other day, I prayed to the Lord to help me move fwd with this whole thing. It occurred to me that Im giving it more attention that it needs or deserves. Yes I loved him and all of that stuff ,that wont change(it was what it was..THEN)