Something is bugging me....
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| Sat, 02-05-2005 - 8:50am |
I was with xMM for 6 months (I'm married as well). The last time we had IC was 11/3. We talk almost every day and it very friendly and comfortable. On 12/16 he calls me, we were supposed to get together that night, he calls to say he's upset and is tryning to deal with all this guilt he feels whenever we get together and doesn't think he can see me tonight - he has a 4 yr old daughter - I don't have kids. So we gently "broke up" because he needs to come to terms with his guilt. He left it open and friendly with Keep in Touch. I was a little hurt but I certainly understood his reason. There were no tantrums or yelling and cursing. We had a lot of fun together and it was always friendly and comfortable. I kind of wish he could have let me know sooner his guilt problem but that's neither here nor there. We didn't love each other - we made sure we didn't cross that line.
Anyway, got through the holidays and vacation,etc. In Mid Jan. he calls me to say Hi and see how my holidays were, wishes me a Happy New Year, etc. He asked how things were with me. I was honest and said that I was really trying to concentrate on things at home with my DH. I asked about him and things at home were the same - wife never wants intimacy and nothing has changed for him. Basically he still wasn't happy. I know sometime in Feb his wife & daughter are going down to Fla. to visit her parents (without him). I felt like he wanted to say or ask me something but didn't bother after finding out how things were with me.... And THAT is killing me, I can't stop thinking about WHAT he was going to say to me. I keep wondering if he was going to ask if he could see me again, etc. I don't know why but I NEED TO KNOW THIS.
The ironic thing is, I don't know what I'd do if he did ask to see me again... And that is the really scary part for me.
Should I call him and ask him outright if there was something he wanted to ask me? Should I call and see if he asks himself given the opportunity? Or should I just try and forget it and keep moving on?
Thanks for your help.

Kats-
Keep moving on....keep moving on.
If what you say is true...
<<>>
You are one of the fortunate ones who came out of your A without a broken heart. Nothing will change if you go back! I can assure you the longer the A continues, you will not be able to move on and let go this easily. It becomes harder and harder each and every time. Keep the door closed. Leave things the way they are. You will thank yourself later!
SS
KAt
I know that feeling of having something left unsaid but in time that urge will go away! I am so bad at that but I agree with Sunshine!
Sunshine- how are you today??
Kats:
I can certainly understand your curiousity. As for what you should do, I guess it all boils down to what you want. Either you want to continue the affair or keep it ended. If you truly want it to be a thing of the past, I wouldn't call. If you are wanting to keep it going in some form, then you'll call. It really is as simple as that.
he checked in to see if you were up for being with him again..you told him you were exploring things with your husband.
As i see it, yup he put things away during the holidays and wanted to take you off the shelf again. He didn't get the response he was looking for (gung ho..hey are you ready ..i am ..kinda thing).
Pretty simple if you ask me.
Nope i wouldn't call him unless you want to have an affair again. This is not a love thing for you (or him) anyway right?. Its sex. If you want that again well that is your decision...sounds like he is open to it.
Why would you be dying to know unless you think he might have feelings for you? He doesn't IMO. You are working your marriage now. It doesnt matter, right?. Doesnt mean its out of your head. But only if you are kidding yourself does it matter. Only what you think at this point, matters.
Lizzie
Kats
Keep moving, don't call... if your working on your marriage that is were your head needs to stay.
Thanks everyone for your words of advice. I truly appreciate it.
I think what I miss the most is the easy friendship we had. It was nice to talk to each other as friends. We could tell each other anything and not have to worry about being judged. Of course the sex was also amazing. And as odd as it might sound, I miss the friendship part of our relationship more.
But as everyone said, I am concentrating on things at home and improving my marriage and the only way to do that is to devote 100% of my attention to that. I get that. I know I can't have both. And as hard as it is going to be - I have to learn to "forget" and keep moving on with my life.
I don't regret the relationship. In fact, it came at a very low point in my life and it helped me feel a lot better about myself... He helped to feel sexy, desirable and attractive again. I needed that. Now that I have that confidence back, I can move on. I learned a lot about myself after being with him. I will remember him and the time we spent together fondly but that's what they are now, just memories.
Thanks again everyone.