Something I want to say

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Something I want to say
24
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 7:24am
I have been lurking since August. I am pleased to see the compassion extended to people like Alice and others who have tried and failed and try again.
I have been holding onto something and I am feeling depressed about a few things and I need to learn to let it out and that includes this message.
Firstly, when I was struggling I was told such things as 'pull your big man pants up'. I would have thought it inappropriate to tell a woman on here to pull up her big woman panties. Id regard it as a very insulting thing to say to a woman in any circumstances
Secondly, I think that as a man I was in some danger of other people on here having trouble with transference ( see ref to big boy pants). I am not the XAP of any of you and don't want to be the target of your own venom
Thirdly, one or two men do visit this board, but don't hang around. You might want to consider if theres a reason for that ( I genuinely don't know)
Finally, if you think men and women are from different planets and it helps you get over an A, good for you. I can confirm as an ordinary man that some of us are sensitive, disgusted at our lapse in morals, regretful and vulnerable. It's a perspective that might help some of you, perhaps not others.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 7:50am
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 7:55am

Rob -

<<<>>>

I'm glad you are still reading. I remember you, and the reason you left was because you were struggling with whether or not to actually end your A. If you have ended it, everyone would more than welcome your posts and your point of view.

Actually, the two men that I know of (RBM and Foggy), have not left the board. RBM has had some struggles, but still posts occasionally and has his own blog. Foggy has recently returned as well - and his absence had nothing to do with feeling unwelcome by the women on EAS. Rob, there are a LOT of people that don't hang around here for one reason or another.

I understand what you are saying regarding "pulling your big boy pants up" and the appropriateness of a man saying that to a woman. I've seen women tell other women to put their big girl panties on all the time. Maybe it would have been better to say "grow up"? It means the same thing.

I'm sure others will chime in on your thread, but remember this is an Ending board, not a place to debate!

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 9:08am

ROB,

[*edited to add - holy moley, have you really seen how tough we have been WITH ALICE? and how she is able to accept it because she has read enough, posted enough and trusted us enough to hear it from the place it is given: Out of DEEP and ENDURING care, love, and concern for HER!)

While I appreciate your comments, I would like to ask you to carefully consider taking responsibility for your own disappearing act. You asked for reality, and on more than one occasion asked NOT to be colluded with, sold BS or given the Hollywood version.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 9:48am
((TU))

Amazing post and this had to take a lot of time to put together. I just don't have the patience I used to have with threads like this, so thank you so much for stepping up and taking the reins.

Rob,

What she said.
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 10:18am

Rob,

Big People Panties - you find this insulting?

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 3:15pm

Rob,

I just wanted to jump in with another MPov.

I no longer post as often as I did, because I embarrassed myself, and failed myself with breaking the NC rule. I haven't been run off.

I think I learned my lesson. Its been 1 week, 3 days. I had made it within hours of six months and stumbled. DRATS!!!

I stumbled because I wasn't completely done.

KWIM??? My mind wasn't quite ready.

As I remember, you were still in the ending process and had not ended it.

My question to you is, Have you? Have you broken it off and are you NC?

I still read this board faithfully, several times a day. I seldom post, because I don't feel the right, or shall we say the wisdom to help others when I couldn't help myself.

The few posts that I have jumped on, I feel I have offered a logical opinion that others would agree with.

I too, have noticed that some people come across as man haters, but by far, its

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 5:03pm

I second this notion.

VERY eloquent way of addressing the male/ female dynamic.

This might be our "pink elephant".

As Dee said, so fabulously......ANY "attitude" expressed is that of the individual poster.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2010
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 10:39pm

Yeah, thanks TU.

Awesome questions to think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 12:44pm

Rob

I think an apology is in order.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 1:11pm

Clarity,

Small hijack here, but no big thang since I think the gist of thread has run it's course....

I just wanted to say that even before I read your reply,

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