Sometimes i feel like the slime bag xAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Sometimes i feel like the slime bag xAP
6
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 7:04pm

I've been feeling really strange lately. When reading all posts on here, and all advice given, i notice a trend of xAP's being called selfish, users, cake eaters, insensitive, liars, so on. And i feel like that's me sometimes.


I told my xAP all sorts of things like "i love you", "i don't know what i'd do without you", etc. etc. and now what i'm doing is killing the A all together and ignoring him. So if he was a girl telling his friends about this, about how i'm hurting his feelings, and how disappointed he is in me, he could say "well we just had sex last week and now she's totally ignoring me!" and his friends would say "she's just a sleazy, lying, cake eating bit*h".


When in reailty - i'm hurting like hell! Just trying to ignore him because i know the A is not right, not cause i'm insensitive.


But the selfish part, i guess that's true. Cake eater - true as well.


Isn't it ironic how sometimes we (me) are just as bad as xAP.


Just a thought.


Hugs to all,


Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 8:07pm
I was wondering when this topic was going to come up.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 10:53pm

Hi sunshine,

I was a single OW. My xMM lied to me a LOT, kept blowing hot and cold (chasing me incessantly and as soon as I started getting close and vulnerable he would push me away and hurt me) and the relationship was 100% on his terms, not mine - if not his temper would rear its ugly head. I was beaten down into a complete doormat. He even admitted he treated me horribly last time I talked to him.

Regardless of the fact that he was married, he was a scumbag for doing that to me. And I was a stupid, weak person for letting him do it and not setting my boundaries/walking away from a totally dysfunctional situation. I take 100% responsibility for that and I am making amends for the way I acted by working really hard on improving myself so I can have a balanced, healthy legitimate relationship one day.

The point I'm trying to make is that your OM is a big boy, and it was his choice to set his boundaries with you or not. He could have walked away any time and he chose not to - it's his free will. In affairs, any party has the option of ending it without explanation, that's just the way it is. You play the game, you must put up with the consequences - whether you're the WS or the OP.

So yes you may have indulged in cake, but the OP has to answer for his actions as well, he is not blameless!!

hugs, brave girl!

trixie xo



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 11:49am

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2009
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 12:10pm

Ahhh! I think we have the same XAP!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:00pm
Hi LIG,

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:23pm

I agree with you completely.