this is soo hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
this is soo hard
15
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 6:57pm

I've decided to go NC with AP. Today was the first day. He called twice and i didnt answer and I felt so horrible. It makes me sad to have to do this. I ask myself, why should I feel sad, he

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 12:26am

Hi Caribu,

Please don't beat yourself up to much for what happened. I think the most difficult part is missing him and the memories you had of the person you thought he was. But remember that too was a deception and a lie.

Personally for me, and please let me know if you can relate to this, but what I miss about my xAP is the phone calls. But when I start to think of those calls... I snap out of it because I know those phone calls meant nothing to him because he would call his wife just as much as he'd call me. And most of the time, the conversations we had were lies on his part (aka got done with work).

I just think, in my case, not sure if you can relate, but its the comfort of knowing he's in your life that we miss. We have to focus on other things in our lives to enriched us and remember we are better off without them.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 9:22am

Caribu,


Not answering his phone calls is a major step in the right direction. I know it hurts, but continuing in the A will hurt even more. I am very proud of you for making it 2 days NC now, and if you stay the course you will be out of the worst part by Xmas. Eventually he will get the message to leave you alone and for your own sake, look fwd to this time and don't start feeling bad the calls have stopped. This is what you need to have happen for your own peace

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 11:21am

Caribu


If you are going to agonize over the fact that you didn't say an official goodbye because


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 10:43pm

Thank all of you for your encouragement.


Clarity and everyone, Dont be mad at me,he did call today and I broke NC. The thoughts about his son and not knowing consumed me to no end. So, I answered and found out he is doing fine. I then told XAP that even though we have already

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 11:00pm

We are here. We will support you. Now onward to day 2, 3 etc. (What is that saying in Toy Story...to infinity and beyond.)


There is rarely any closure in these As. Don't be surprised if in a few days you wished you said this or that. It is normal. There is really nothing you can say to xAP when you are done to explain what you are feeling and where you are at.


It's time to move forward and leave the past in the past!


Big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

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