Sorry read this one instead .."better"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sorry read this one instead .."better"
4
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 6:12pm
10 REASONS NOT TO DATE A MARRIED MAN

1. He won't commit to a future with you.

A man who is in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away by how wonderful you make him feel. He may even blurt out, "I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the rest of my life with you." This may sound like a commitment to a future with you. It's not. Don't confuse his loving the way you make him feel with his loving you and making a commitment to you. TOP

2. Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn't like.

You are evidence of his avoiding dealing with unpleasant situations head on. This means that he's likely to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.

3. Hiding is exhausting.

Having to keep your relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship. Walking together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you.

4. He's got his cake

and is eating it, too.

He has a legitimate married relationship that helps his public persona and he has an illegitimate one with you to make up for what he's missing in his marriage. As appreciative as he sounds, many women who are involved with married men come to resent his having the best of both worlds, when she has the least.

5. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of his wife?

The existence of your relationship with a married man tells you how little he respects his wife by lying to her instead of being a man and telling her he wants out. TOP





Consider the Personal Cost

Think to about what being a mistress or the man on the side says about you.

It says you have so little self-respect that you are willing to settle for a relationship that will never allow you to grow, love or be truly love.

It says you are so desperate for attention you are willing to take table scraps (leftover time, attention and affection) rather than do the work to find someone who places you first above all else.

It prevents you from being available to a person who can truly love and appreciate you.

By being with a married man or married woman, you tell the world you are only good enough to be second string.





6. Lose his respect and it's over.

Even though he's the one who pursued you. Even though he's the one that made it difficult to say "No." And even though he tells you how wonderful you are. At some level, he's going to have trouble respecting you for settling for such a flawed relationship. Like the Groucho Marx joke, "He may not want to be of a relationship that would have him as a partner."

7. You're not a home wrecker;

you are an accomplice.

Like it or not, you are a willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife -- not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it difficult for them to see him as a role model.

8. You're kidding yourself.

Despite his reassuring you how much you mean to him, his not ending his relationship with his wife in an above-board and respectful way -- and not beginning a legitimate relationship with you -- are actions that speak louder than words.

9. Beware the guilt boomerang.

Many men (and women) have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If he is caught by his wife or conscience, don't be surprised if he tries to blame you and get you to take the fall.

10. Time is too precious to waste.

Ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a married man can go on for a long time -- and before you know it, eat up the precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing. When people who have been involved with married men finally move on, they often regret having wasted the time in a dead-end affair.

One final thought:

95% of all marriages that begin as adultery

end in divorce.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 6:43pm
Thanks, Lyssa. This is really great. You should probably cite your source though, just to be safe.

I really like it. In fact, I think I'm going to print it out and carry it around with me and read it 100 times every time I get an urge to contact the MM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 7:36pm
The sad part is that any ONE of those reasons should've been enough. And I'm sure if we thought real hard we could come up with another 100 reasons not to date a married man!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 10:53am
Well I revised a bit -

10 REASONS NOT TO DATE A MARRIED WOMAN

1. She won't commit to a future with you.

A woman who is in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away by how wonderful you make her feel. She may even blurt out, "I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the rest of my life with you." This may sound like a commitment to a future with you. It's not. Don't confuse her loving the way you make her feel with her loving you and making a commitment to you.

2. Cheating on her husband tells you how she deals with any situation she doesn't like.

You are evidence of her avoiding dealing with unpleasant situations head on. This means that she's likely to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.

3. Hiding is exhausting.

Having to keep your relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship. Walking together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you.

4. She's got her cake and is eating it, too.

She has a legitimate married relationship that helps her public persona and she has an illegitimate one with you to make up for what she's missing in her marriage. As appreciative as she sounds, many men who are involved with married women come to resent her having the best of both worlds, when he has the least.

5. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of her husband?

The existence of your relationship with a married woman tells you how little she respects her husband by lying to him instead of being a woman and telling him she wants out.

****Consider the Personal Cost

Think to about what being a man on the side says about you.

It says you have so little self-respect that you are willing to settle for a relationship that will never allow you to grow, love or be truly love.

It says you are so desperate for attention you are willing to take table scraps (leftover time, attention and affection) rather than do the work to find someone who places you first above all else.

It prevents you from being available to a person who can truly love and appreciate you.

By being with a married woman, you tell the world you are only good enough to be second string.

6. Lose her respect and it's over.

Even though she's the one who pursued you. Even though she's the one that made it difficult to say "No." And even though she tells you how wonderful you are. At some level, she's going to have trouble respecting you for settling for such a flawed relationship.

7. You're not a home wrecker; you are an accomplice.

Like it or not, you are a willing participant in a woman violating her vows and betraying the trust of her husband -- not to mention grossly disappointing her children and making it difficult for them to see her as a role model.

8. You're kidding yourself.

Despite her reassuring you how much you mean to her, her not ending her relationship with her husband in an above-board and respectful way -- and not beginning a legitimate relationship with you -- are actions that speak louder than words.

9. Beware the guilt boomerang.

Many women have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If she is caught by her husband don't be surprised if she tries to blame you and get you to take the fall.

10. Time is too precious to waste.

Ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a married woman can go on for a long time -- and before you know it, eat up the precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing. When people who have been involved with married woman finally move on, they often regret having wasted the time in a dead-end affair.

One final thought:

95% of all marriages that begin as adultery

end in divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 1:51pm
Thanks for making it work both ways...how about your thoughts on this? I would like to know if the married parties vs. single parties think this is accurate or not?

Thanks :)