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| Sat, 11-27-2004 - 8:25am |
Is this a friendship, or an EMA?
I think I'm really at the beginning of my "friendship" or "EMA" , and yet I'm considering ending it. We've only been in contact since late-July, and we've only seen each other once - and thank god we didn't have sex - we didn't go "all the way". PHENOMENALLY close (kissing and heavy petting) but no cigar (-: I think if we had, I'd be completely lost right now.
We get along so great - he was my first boyfriend in HS... and we've remained in contact off and on ever since... unfortunately off for the past 10 years, when both of us got married to other people. But now we are definitely becoming best friends mostly via email, although we talked on the phone one time for over 5 hours straight....
Question: do you think it's possible to pursue a friendship with the hopes of something way down the road (or even better, without the hopes of something more developing, if I could bring myself to feel that way consistently and stay feeling that way), if it should be? Or do you think I should end it right now for fear of it possibly becoming more than I can handle? For fear of possibly having more deeper feelings towards him later?
I definitely can say that I do not feel "love" towards him, but rather love towards my H. I just don't think I want that to change....
I truly don't want NC because the friendship helps me (he's one of the few people I know that's smarter than I) - BUT I'm wondering if it is the right thing to do before perhaps I do start to have stronger feelings?
Is it possible for a woman to have a MM as a best friend and keep it separate (if no more sex is involved) and love her H?

Tap
I responded opn the other board.
Your HUSBAND IS YOUR BEST FRIEND, no other man should even be close to holding that position.
If you keep contact it will not stop until your marriage is wrecked, if you have children there lives will be destroyed, who gets to pay for this so you can have this SO CALLED FRIENDSHIP, we both know this has nothing to do with friendship it is EGO AND LUST.
I am betting your about 30 years old.
OH and now you know another person who is smarter then you ;-).
JMHO
Free
Huh, wise guy, eh? Yeah yeah, you're smarter than me, in THIS way (-;
Honestly though, (almost 39 actually) my H isn't my best friend - never was )-: when we got married, he told me that his ex-wife was his best friend, and he thought that people should not marry their best friends, and I was naive and went along with that.
I guess I am lacking in the best friend arena, and I was looking for a substitute. But the problem is, I found it.
I know deep down the answer is to break contact, but it is soooooooo hard to give that up. I keep wondering "what if?"
But then I read the messages here and I just don't want to be posting those things in 5 years, nor those emails about how he won't leave his wife.
Right now, I only love my H, not this other guy. SO, I know you are right that I need to end it before something develops that is even HARDER to end.
It's just really hard )-:
Does it get easier? How?
p.s.
what does AP stand for?
Taps
AP = AFFAIR PARTENER (SP)
The sooner you stop this the sooner it gets easier, the deeper you get in the longer and harder it is to get out.
I cannot agree with your husband about the friend thing.
Have you really ever forced your husband to address what is missing in the marriage meaning the friendship issue or any other issues.
Taps take me seriously when I tell you at an affair is the last thing you want to do, there nothing but pain and regret with a nice mixture of shame for a spice, this is one mistake that everyone in the families pays for.
Free