speaking of last hopes
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| Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:36pm |
Reading "birdie" and "desperate"'s posts...it is my own feelings and desperate pleas! I am going on three months of NC with my MM. After leaving my husband, two months later, my MM decided to try to make things right with his family. I respected his decision, but ached badly. My husband was constantly right there, trying to win me over, and I gave in about early May and moved back in with him. I sunk deeper into my depression and am now being encouraged by my counselor to try medication or three day a week treatment. It's nuts!
I met MM online, and have recently wanted to go back to that line of disappearing, denying, escaping. I want to write MM or call him. I miss him so much. I feel horrible for my H and wish he would have moved on and found someone worthy of his love and attentions. All I can think of when he touches me or loves me, is how I wish it was MM. I am desperate to escape this pain. I have MM's work number and cell number. I want what everyone wants...him to tell me once more that he loves me, and either that he is positive this is where he wants to be, or that he misses me as much and wants us to be together now or in the future. (I would wait)
What do I do, if anything? Being patient with myself isn't working. My mind feels like it's slipping. I hate the mess I've made.
| Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:55pm |
