speaking of last hopes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
speaking of last hopes
1
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:36pm

Reading "birdie" and "desperate"'s posts...it is my own feelings and desperate pleas! I am going on three months of NC with my MM. After leaving my husband, two months later, my MM decided to try to make things right with his family. I respected his decision, but ached badly. My husband was constantly right there, trying to win me over, and I gave in about early May and moved back in with him. I sunk deeper into my depression and am now being encouraged by my counselor to try medication or three day a week treatment. It's nuts!

I met MM online, and have recently wanted to go back to that line of disappearing, denying, escaping. I want to write MM or call him. I miss him so much. I feel horrible for my H and wish he would have moved on and found someone worthy of his love and attentions. All I can think of when he touches me or loves me, is how I wish it was MM. I am desperate to escape this pain. I have MM's work number and cell number. I want what everyone wants...him to tell me once more that he loves me, and either that he is positive this is where he wants to be, or that he misses me as much and wants us to be together now or in the future. (I would wait)

What do I do, if anything? Being patient with myself isn't working. My mind feels like it's slipping. I hate the mess I've made.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:55pm
I am so sorry for your pain. I am trying to get out of an affair myself. Trying being the operative word. I went to my doctor last week to get on an antidepressent because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do it on my own. I hate the feeling of insecurity that comes with this affair. He can tell me he loves me all he wants but we can't do anything without sneaking around and I know it will never be. His wife will never leave and he will never leave her nor would I ask him to. It's a mistake I made and now I've gotten in deeper then I care to be but here I am. Everytime I think I can do it I end up calling him because my heart aches to much without him. I know I can't continue this way for my own sanity and that is what made me decide to seek medical treatment. I've been on an antidepressant before and it really helped numb the pain. That is what I'm hoping happens with this. I just don't know where all my strength and self control has gone and I am just not myself anymore. I need to get back to me!!! Anyway, like I said, I am opting for the meds......if they help then I guess we need all the help we can get.