spoke with ex om...still blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
spoke with ex om...still blue
2
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 10:03am

i had not spoken with ex om since he got married november 20. this week i had been dying to talk to him but had not made the move. however, my dh had called ex om to talk to him about something and had left a msg on om voice mail. om tried calling dh but was unable to reach him. that is when he sent me an email.

that email put me back in square one. his email didnt say anything about us. he just wanted for me to let dh know that he tried calling him back and he also asked me what it was about. that is when i asked him to call me so i would explain. he then sent another email asking what it was about. that really hurt me because he was trying to bypass calling me. so i responded to his email by telling him that it seemed he didnt want to call me despite the fact we were still friends.

well he finally did call. and we talked about the wedding day how we had disappeared together and that he didnt know if anyone had seen us or said anything.

i asked him to check for me today and at first he said he would not but later said he would. he hasnt so far....

talking to him makes me sooo happy. i know we could never be because of the situation we are we and that hurts so bad.

im hurt that he took a part of me and then just walked away like if it didnt mean anything.

i will be seeing him again on 12/18 at a christmas party. december 12 was the first time we made love.

i know i got involved with him because i liked the attention he gave me and the high was incredible. but i feel so much pain to feel so much pain to have been taken for granted and used.

i go through life with a sadness and pain inside.

i hope to be happy one day but that day seems so faw away......

thanks for listening

upsidedown

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 10:30am

((((USD))))

Sorry your going through this hon but the only solution is NO CONTACT.

You need to ask yourself is it happy he makes you or HIGH, sounds like it is the high your after, XMM is nothing more then a trigger and in my opinion you have to go NC with that trigger to have a hope of ever being happy again.

His actions are telling you very clearly what this whole thing meant to him, and it is also telling you about himself.

Time to put this person out of your life and if hubby has to live with out him to bad.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 11:04am

I'm probably not the one who should be dispensing advice...since my emotions...and resolve...are like a yo-yo some days. But what I can tell you is what I have been learning about from all this. First, time is a great healer...if we let it be. You have to use that time well...think about other things as much as you can. It is such a painful process, but it does get better, a little teeny bit at a time.

In dealing with my own pain, what I have had to realize is that I cannot put my happiness in someone else's hands. I was very much in love with xOM, and as sh@#$% as he has acted lately, there is part of me that still loves and misses him, but I don't let that part of me decide my actions any longer. He still gets under my skin with his crazy stunts. But I CHOOSE to pursue happiness where I'm most likely to get it...with my husband and my daughter. It's work. It's not easy. In the beginning, I wanted to die. I really contemplated medicating myself with whatever was in the medicine cabinet or the biggest bottle of Kentucky bourbon I could find...but I didn't. I made myself get out of bed. I would not waste my life crying for him. He did come through and do the right thing in the end. He left his wife. He refused to have a relationship with me while I was married. (I'm not sure what is going through his head now...regret, or anger that I am actually working on my marriage, to cause him to do little things to "punish" me.) But you know what...the right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do. It rarely gives us instant GRATIFICATION, but in the long run, it gives us much more...SATISFACTION. And there's a big difference. I still have moments of tears...moments of anger...moments of embarassment, feeling used and thrown away, feeling "played" that I was there for him through his worst moments and then he just walked away and now I have to see him and act as though I was nothing to him. I did have a moment of closure, I guess, when he told me that he was sorry for everything, that he will always love me and that I had made a difference in his life and that he now is a different person for having known me. He asked if I forgave him, and I told him I did. Since then, yes, I have had crazy moments...I had sent him emails telling him just how much I was hurting, and he never responded. One night, I called him, and he called me back but was very cold and would not talk about our relationship at all. Looking back, I realize his coldness made it easier for me to let go. And in the end, that's what you've got to do. Let him go, girl.

You know how they say the best revenge is looking beautiful? Don't let him see you moping and suffering at that dinner party. Put on your best smile and look gorgeous. And whenever you're missing him, reach for your H. If he loves you back, it will be worth it, and you'll start to feel something you haven't felt in a long time...happy.

JMHO. (first time I wrote that!)