Spoke with MM...there is more

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Spoke with MM...there is more
1
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 12:57pm

Well, I have been reading all the posts on the board and the responses you all are giving me. I really apppreciate it very much. I am going thru alot of emotional turmoil. I get up in the morning, depressed. I work thru it and start to feel a little better. My mind drifts to my relationship and I start questioning myself. As to things he said;

"He stayed in this relationship for this long so he can help me get over him"

I keep coming up with "how can that be? It was he who initiates contact, not me, when we are together, he looks deeply into my eyes, He always said to me that he makes the time to come and see me, he whispers in my ears that he always come back to me". How can he say that I begged him to stay. Why didn't he come right out and say to me ... The reason why I stayed is b/c I love you. He can't say those three words b/c it would then be difficult. He told me that he is deeply in love with his W. Sure, that sounds to me like bullcrap! When you are in love with someone you only want to be with that someone. You do not continue to have an affair of 15 years with someone else. I know that some of you would disagree and say that he only cares about himself. I know. But keep in mind, that both us have been involved with each other for 15 years...we have gone thru alot. ALOT!

He called me today. Still saying that he will call me every week. I asked him how long has this "divorce" been happening. Since the Summer ...right? He told me...no, it's been 3 years now. I said to him, then why didn't you tell me. He said that "it's too painful to talk about. 3 years, now I am thinking back and if you were going thru a divorce back then his initimacy with me would be different but wasn't more like the opposite.

You see, If you don't ask then you never know. When we had our conversation last Friday when he told me that he asked her to take him back. Now, after hearing that it's has been going on for 3 years! And now you asked her to take you back? I'm thinking with 3 years where he did not mention a word to me what's been going on. Has he asked her then to take him back and this has been going around full circle?

Well, I am trying to be understanding here b/c if the shoe was on the other foot with the years that we have spent together I would be asking him to be more understanding.

I am scared and I feel that he is scared too. Does this make any sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 9:33pm

Meadow,

I don't mean you any disrespect at all, I know you are going through a very hard time right now. But I'm afraid that your head is in the clouds right now. It seems you've had too much time to overanalyze everything and you want to believe what you're wishing for is true. I can't tell you what you want to hear because it will do you no good. I think this guy sounds like a major cake-eater and he's got you right where he wants you. He's already told you that he wants his W to take him back and that he's deeply in love with her. He wouldn't say those things to you if he was hoping to be with you eventually. I think he would rather be with "anyone" than be alone. He's not "afraid" of anything! If he wanted to be with you he wouldn't be scared to let you know. Have you read the book "He's just not that into you" ? I think you would benefit from reading it. If a man wants you bad enough, nothing will stop him for being with you. He certainly wouldn't be telling you how much in love he is with someone else. I"m working through my own issues about why MM isn't with me, but I'm learning the hard truth, he just doesn't want me. I don't meant to make you feel worse. This is a very difficult thing to get through, but I have a feeling you're going to find yourself a whole lot more hurt if you don't lose this guy. Hugs to you, Meadow!!

PAL