Starting to feel like I dreamed it!
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Starting to feel like I dreamed it!
| Mon, 04-12-2004 - 9:43am |
Has anyone out there felt this way? I've had NC for about 2 months now, things are going great at home, I'm thoroughly enjoying all the time that's been freed up as the result of ending the A, feeling great about the level of honesty in my life (no more lying, sneaking, cheating, etc). The other day I drove my OMM's house (he lives on a main road and I drove past without thinking) and it suddenly seemed so odd to me that I had ever been in that house or made love with the man who lives there. His car was parked in front and it seemed unimaginable that I had ever been in that car. The whole thing seems like it never happened, or happened in another lifetime. Anyone had this feeling? Its so difficult to believe that someone who was such a huge part of my life for 2 years (we saw each other pretty much everyday) could just exit so quickly! I ended the A after a great deal of soul searching, and I've had some struggles about it and missing him, but just the past 2 weeks I've begun to feel so strongly that I did the right thing. Whatever, it's a great feeling not to be obsessing over him or scheming or conniving or any of the other less than honest things I did for the last 2+ years. For all of you who are struggling, I wish I could send you some of this feeling. It's wonderful to put it all behind you!


YET, I also have to say I have been at this point before - a few times, and thought I'd NEVER go back to him. There's NOTHING he could say or do that would result in me going back to him - yet I have. The few times I've been to this point before, from out of the blue he's done something really shocking (after months of NC) and ofcourse I'll fire off an email telling him off and the conversation starts again and somehow out of it all we end up together. I guess what I'm trying to tell you, is don't let your guard down. I know it can feel so much easier when you're at this point, but still stay true to your NC if he does all of a sudden come around. Many X's do.
I have been wondering lately, "How will I know when I'm over this for good?" When I can go an entire day without thinking of OM? When I stop visiting this board? Any thoughts on this??