ALICE................ Trust me when i say ........YOU DO NOT WANT A DDAY.............so STAY AWAY ... TU has always said the worst thing in the world is to see the pain on the faces of your H and children when they hear the truth.. and from experience i can sincerely say
A beautiful and raw post NC. I really really hope that in some way Alice, NC's words reach you. You have NO idea what I would give to have the opportunity to right the wrongs in my marriage. I would DIE for the opportunity to save my marriage. And to see you risking it over and over again pains me.
My H is living in a different home and we now share access to our children - you don't think this could really happen to you, please think again. Your post so reminds me of the dangers of "just" going NC. It is not enough. It is NOT ENOUGH to just stop contact. IT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF THE WORK. Otherwise, you end up right where you were before DAY 1 ... needy, vulnerable, scared, uncertain, at the beck and call of someone else's husband, a booty call, an ego stroke, undignified and hurting.
These were your words:
"I feel strong enough today to be able to look back at all this..and realize how ridiculous and hypocritical and well, downright gross it all was."
What happened Alice? Why didn't you come to us? What were(n't) you thinking? Why did you think this time was different? You KNOW those words mean nothing? I am uncertain why you had major trepidation in coming here, and NOT in breaking NC?
Here is a previous post from me on the impacts of a Dday on my child:
... not sure that you can manage the pain of leaving xAP, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS UNTIL YOUR CHILD(REN) BEG TO HAVE THEIR FAMILY BACK TOGETHER!
You have no idea how sorry and regretful you will be that you EVER risked their futures to engage in such selfish, destructive behavior.
You can continue to believe a DDay won't happen to you, and gamble away the future of your whole family ... but don't think for a moment that your affair isn't robbing all of them of 'you' and that a DDay couldn't happen.
You can continue to seek advice and support from others drowning right along side you (btdt), or you can reach out of the water toward the outreached hands from the boat just beside you.
We will gladly pull you aboard.
It is YOUR choice.
Remember that.
I hope you will make the right one sooner than later.
Help us help you Alice, but know, we can't DO ANYTHING unless YOU DO THE "WORK".
You and I started about the same time many moons ago. I've always had a special fondness for you. I have always believed in you. So all I can say to you is SNAP THE EFF OUT OF IT!! If you are serious this time, you will block him. Take that step, Alice. It is enormously freeing. That way you will not leave yourself vulnerable to his fishing attempts. You will not know whether he has tried to contact you or not. You will have taken control of the situation. I never blocked the two previous times I tried to end it. I have blocked this time. I am actually listening and DOING what the wise vets on this board advocate. Why? Because I believe them and I truly want this thing to end for good.
You are playing a very dangerous game, dear Alice. You know it and I know it. It is a GAME with no winners. Quit now. Quit for good.
You've had some great responses. I really hope that you have finally gotten to the point where you see that you need to completely stay away from this man. I'm so glad that newseason and TU chimed in. And (((NC)))). Alice, I pointed you to NC's thread regarding what she is going through with her d-day. You don't want that, do you? What her and TU have experienced is heart breaking. It's hard, cold reality. Stop playing with fire. You don't want to lose that amazing H and hurt your beautiful kids. Not to mention you deserve so much more. But until YOU start believing that, you will remain stuck on the merry-go-round. Have you changed your phone number and really blocked every way he could possibly get to you?
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I have not posted on ivillage in a long itme....I hate the new lay-out. I
Stop looking for that clown!
Ouch.
ALICE................ Trust me when i say ........YOU DO NOT WANT A DDAY.............so STAY AWAY ... TU has always said the worst thing in the world is to see the pain on the faces of your H and children when they hear the truth.. and from experience i can sincerely say
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
My H is living in a different home and we now share access to our children - you don't think this could really happen to you, please think again. Your post so reminds me of the dangers of "just" going NC. It is not enough. It is NOT ENOUGH to just stop contact. IT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF THE WORK. Otherwise, you end up right where you were before DAY 1 ... needy, vulnerable, scared, uncertain, at the beck and call of someone else's husband, a booty call, an ego stroke, undignified and hurting.
These were your words:
"I feel strong enough today to be able to look back at all this..and realize how ridiculous and hypocritical and well, downright gross it all was."
What happened Alice? Why didn't you come to us? What were(n't) you thinking? Why did you think this time was different? You KNOW those words mean nothing? I am uncertain why you had major trepidation in coming here, and NOT in breaking NC?
Here is a previous post from me on the impacts of a Dday on my child:
... not sure that you can manage the pain of leaving xAP, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS UNTIL YOUR CHILD(REN) BEG TO HAVE THEIR FAMILY BACK TOGETHER!
You have no idea how sorry and regretful you will be that you EVER risked their futures to engage in such selfish, destructive behavior.
You can continue to believe a DDay won't happen to you, and gamble away the future of your whole family ... but don't think for a moment that your affair isn't robbing all of them of 'you' and that a DDay couldn't happen.
You can continue to seek advice and support from others drowning right along side you (btdt), or you can reach out of the water toward the outreached hands from the boat just beside you.
We will gladly pull you aboard.
It is YOUR choice.
Remember that.
I hope you will make the right one sooner than later.
Help us help you Alice, but know, we can't DO ANYTHING unless YOU DO THE "WORK".
TU.
Hi Alice,
The greatest pain from the fall out of my affair and the break down of my marriage was not having my son live with me.
Oh, Alice, sweetie. BTDT.
You and I started about the same time many moons ago. I've always had a special fondness for you. I have always believed in you. So all I can say to you is SNAP THE EFF OUT OF IT!! If you are serious this time, you will block him. Take that step, Alice. It is enormously freeing. That way you will not leave yourself vulnerable to his fishing attempts. You will not know whether he has tried to contact you or not. You will have taken control of the situation. I never blocked the two previous times I tried to end it. I have blocked this time. I am actually listening and DOING what the wise vets on this board advocate. Why? Because I believe them and I truly want this thing to end for good.
You are playing a very dangerous game, dear Alice. You know it and I know it. It is a GAME with no winners. Quit now. Quit for good.
You've had some great responses. I really hope that you have finally gotten to the point where you see that you need to completely stay away from this man. I'm so glad that newseason and TU chimed in. And (((NC)))). Alice, I pointed you to NC's thread regarding what she is going through with her d-day. You don't want that, do you? What her and TU have experienced is heart breaking. It's hard, cold reality. Stop playing with fire. You don't want to lose that amazing H and hurt your beautiful kids. Not to mention you deserve so much more. But until YOU start believing that, you will remain stuck on the merry-go-round. Have you changed your phone number and really blocked every way he could possibly get to you?
<<<>>>
Good :)
Bodhi
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