I am going to address ur issues in a private email. I am busy n may not get to u until tomorrow but I will. I just wanted to let u know I am thinking of you. One thing I will say is...you need to stop trying to figure him out. He likes to play n will do so until u stop him. Ur not crazy, but it's time u say enough is enough of the self mutilation. Don't make us come to where ya live n make pretend we are old friends from highschool...we will wisk u off n get u in EAS bootcamp n I am hoping Dee will turn into the drill sergeant n use her gangsta voice to whip u into shape. Me n TU will be available after ur first couple sessions...u will get thru this. U have to! I will get to u as soon as I can.. Btw- ur exap sounds like mine, total jerk...don't give him anymore of u. Ever!
There really is nothing more to add to this thread than what's already been said. I hope you have blocked him from your new phone and if not, change the dang #. From now on come here first before you do anything stupid. Trust in the process for ending your addiction and stop any thoughts of him when they enter your mind. I want you to stare at the picture I have pasted here so it is burned into your brain.
Aha. I really am wondering how I should be handling this particular situation I am in. Iddy, I am still compltely committed to NC and the A being over for good. What I am trying to do now is sort through all the crap and analyze it in a way that will help me figure out why I had the A in the first place. I can't help that thoughts of him are still popping in my head. I've been letting them run their course. Allowing myself to think of him has not caused me to want to break NC. It has allowed me to see the sickness of how I was behaving and thinking while in the A. I am also trying to see past the picture of him (because I fully recognize the A wasn't really about him) and get to the deeper issue.
I don't want to necessarily imagine a stop sign or snap myself on the wrist every time he pops in my head because that feels more like avoidance of the issues
I have no shining words of example either--but to you after my absense on this board for almost 6months--6 months where I thought MAYBE just maybe he'd NOW see how wonderful I was.
How do I email privately? This new format makes me crazy too...I have a list of other resources for you...
And, it comes back to power plays now--after that high of the inital affair, the remainder is filled with power plays--jealousy, bargaining, etc. It's all crap!
First I want to say, welcome back to Alice. Most of us fell off the wagon (and got run over by everything - the horse, the wagon, the wagon behind that, their dog...and then we just laid in the mud for awhile), so that doesn't mean that you can't get back up and do it again. Do it right this time and stick to it. As all the other ladies say, block block block. Kind of like an NC chicken. I think I need to draw that. Ahem, anyway! I'm S, so I can't speak to the M dynamic, but I am very close friends with TU and watching her go through what she has in terms of a D-Day (though, it was more or less a planned one) has been very painful. You may not think that you're close to one, but it's
---- 'It may be that when we no longer know what to do, We have come to our real work, And that when we no longer know which way to go, We have begun our real journey' - Wendell Berry
I can relate to your downfall. Every aspect of it. Everything from his defending his W to his constant manipulation. His constant need to be the puppeteer.
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Btw- ur exap sounds like mine, total jerk...don't give him anymore of u. Ever!
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
There really is nothing more to add to this thread than what's already been said. I hope you have blocked him from your new phone and if not, change the dang #. From now on come here first before you do anything stupid. Trust in the process for ending your addiction and stop any thoughts of him when they enter your mind. I want you to stare at the picture I have pasted here so it is burned into your brain.
Aha. I really am wondering how I should be handling this particular situation I am in. Iddy, I am still compltely committed to NC and the A being over for good. What I am trying to do now is sort through all the crap and analyze it in a way that will help me figure out why I had the A in the first place. I can't help that thoughts of him are still popping in my head. I've been letting them run their course. Allowing myself to think of him has not caused me to want to break NC. It has allowed me to see the sickness of how I was behaving and thinking while in the A. I am also trying to see past the picture of him (because I fully recognize the A wasn't really about him) and get to the deeper issue.
I don't want to necessarily imagine a stop sign or snap myself on the wrist every time he pops in my head because that feels more like avoidance of the issues
Alice,
I have no shining words of example either--but to you after my absense on this board for almost 6months--6 months where I thought MAYBE just maybe he'd NOW see how wonderful I was.
Never ever happens that way.
And, it comes back to power plays now--after that high of the inital affair, the remainder is filled with power plays--jealousy, bargaining, etc. It's all crap!
First I want to say, welcome back to Alice. Most of us fell off the wagon (and got run over by everything - the horse, the wagon, the wagon behind that, their dog...and then we just laid in the mud for awhile), so that doesn't mean that you can't get back up and do it again. Do it right this time and stick to it. As all the other ladies say, block block block. Kind of like an NC chicken. I think I need to draw that. Ahem, anyway! I'm S, so I can't speak to the M dynamic, but I am very close friends with TU and watching her go through what she has in terms of a D-Day (though, it was more or less a planned one) has been very painful. You may not think that you're close to one, but it's
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry
Silence does speak volumes. And it works.
Sometimes.........you have to spell it out for us dimwit men, "STOP!!! I don't want to ever talk to you again." Real, final closure. It works, too!
The first is preferred, the second is a necessity if needed as a last resort.
You just have to be strong when he fishes.
Believe me, I am JAM.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
OK Alice,
I can relate to your downfall. Every aspect of it. Everything from his defending his W to his constant manipulation. His constant need to be the puppeteer.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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