Starting to see

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Starting to see
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 12:03pm
Hi everyone it has been a week now NC. I still feel sad really sad but I am starting to see what my A really was was a mirage. It wasn't real and when I was with xap my instincts told me this was wrong. I felt really low he would call me his little B*&^ and just use me but yet I still continuned it was like drug. Why did I go so low to let JAM treat me that way.. I haven't had any intimacy with him for well over a yr since I ended it. It has just been talking and kiss he had forced upon me in the laundry room when I was doing laundry. After it happened he said bet you feel good now I ran away shocked letting my hubby finish the laundry. He has also made other fishing attempts. I am proud of myself it has been week NC since the kissing incident. I see him though outside time to time getting in his truck to go to work and he sees me leaving for work and he smirks at me. I just ignore him. I am starting to see it was all a game to him and I was his pawn. My hubby told me I am so much better than that. After I ended it hubby confronted him it wasn't pretty from what hubby says.... and he still tries to fish and this was over a year ago ladies since my the confrontation! I am feeling strong today the sun is shining and I am alive and have a wonderful family that I feel so blessed to have. JAM can try to fish all he wants but truth is he dose not deserve me and I think he knows this he is just trying to play his little childish game I say GAME OVER ! Peace Love, Andie
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 1:53pm

Game over?

He doesn't know it is over. 

Why do you think that is?

If someone had me by the throat, and I thought they were going to kill me, I would be changing my ideas about pursuing his wife.

Why do you think he continues on?  Are you sure you aren't giving him mixed signals?

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 2:10pm


There's not a man alive who's going to walk away after trying to force a kiss on me...crawl away probably...walk away no.

I'm glad you spoke with your husband about this...makes for a solid united front.  I'd tell your husband each and every time this arrogant JAM looks at you even cross-eyed.

All it takes are some sharp words to make a man see he is unwanted and then go away for good.

I hope JAM has received your very strong message GAME OVER.



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 3:29pm
Hi Ladies I think he continues on because he is unstable as an a a%% clown as they refer to it in Baggage Reclaim site. I am not sending mixed signals I am just trying to avoid him when I leave for work or doing casual tasks. I think he cant take NO for an answer trying to make a statement of some sort. Honestly I do not have any idea...He is crazy.. my parents even think this because they just moved in the apt above him because my dad also had gotten laid off like DH and we are helping them. He is always trying to get my mom to go to AA meeting with him. Intervening with my parents it's just weird period and creepy to say the least...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 9:59am
Hi Andie, You wrote in your post: "I still feel sad really sad but I am starting to see what my A really was was a mirage." Feeling "sad" and mourning the loss of dysfunctional thinking is a key indicator that you are on your way to healthier choices in the future. It sounds like you have been struggling for 1 year to get to this place in your life. Understanding your 'pull' to xap is paramount for your full recovery. JAM, as you call him is not a correct term for xap, IMHO. This person is some kind of psycho-path. He is preying on your entire family. "JAM can try to fish all he wants but truth is he does not deserve me". This was a red flag to me. If you have set STRONG boundaries, after one year he would have left you AND your family alone and went on to his next prey. kwim? "GAME OVER" I hope this would mean that you will no longer engage with him. (I.E. Looking at him, speaking with on and so forth). Your entire family...again..IMHO...should stay away from him. The only way to end the A is to change YOU. Emotionally "BLOCK" him. Congratulations on having the knowledge and recognition of what is real in your life. I hope as you continue to strive to hold on to that what is 'right' that you will find true happiness. Best, progression
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 11:54am

 Hi Progression and thanks for replying. You are right it has been a year to get here. One year ago I sent him a NOT so nice letter being strong and standing for myself and being confident. I told him congrats on reaching pr*ck status that he had officially earned it. I told him he didnt deserve me.I also told him I couldnt tell him to his face because one he scares me. At the end of the letter I told him not look at me or speak to me and just pretend I am not there I am working on my marriage and I am trying to heal from the pain. It is apparent that he got it.  He walked over one morning when I was watering my plants saying that he couldnt live with me hating him and that he wasnt going anywhere that I would have to move blah blah DH was work. He then added I did not read it and walked away.

 I was like WTH he read it . I am dealing with some kind of psycho path as my friend would call him a sociopath. It is a very messed up situation and I am trying to heal so many emotions. He has played so much with my head.  I even asked him before we broke up why did he pick me to ruin and use and he said I picked him. I was like that was not true. He made it all sound like my fault. It ended very badly. At first he convinced me that he was right, but then I put two and two together and I was like that is BS.It ws both our fault.

 So if that letter wasn't a strong indicator of NC then I dont know what is? I was reading an article in the healing library about chemistry and it makes perfect sense it is dangerous. I am avoiding him like a disease that would slowly kill me. I am trying to get free so I can move on and be happy and find true happiness and live a peaceful fullfilling life. hugs peace love andie