Staying Strong

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Staying Strong
29
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:14am

I am staying strong, I am going to write it, and I keep repeating it to myself over and over.....I have not had contact with my MM since tuesday, and then I only got a whole hour. Something came up and he has taken at least 5 sick days, which I find hard to believe, in reality I believe he had this time planned and neglected to tell me (gut instinct kicking in.) I was extremely upset more so than I ever have been before, perhaps it was the holiday and the thought of spending another one without him.....no flowers, no card, not even a happy easter, or a phone call which never happens he only calls from work. I am definitely not used to being treated like this....I understand that its not a big holiday but it's a holiday none the less....and it got to me. I went and bought a book on How to Fall out of Love, had a house full of friends for dinner yesterday, and tried my damndest not to think about any of it....it almost worked.

This morning I am still looking to see if he has emailed me, the last one was sent wens. and he apologized for doing this, my whole life is full of apologies and I am emotionally tired of this.He will not be back to work until wens. and I plan on being very busy that day, I have no choice I will see him and I need to stay strong, "Act on the choice step into the decision" ....a reply to my last post and those words have had a definite impact, thank you noregretsever.....

I am a SOW with children, and I love this man but simply cannot live this kind of lifestyle anymore, I am going to break a promise that I made to him which is tearing me up inside but not as much as loving someone with whom I can't share my whole life with.
My heart is breaking but I am going to stay strong. I have been reading this board and I get alot out of it, any advice would be appreciated.

Imagine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:45am
Hugs to you Imagine (((((Imagine))))) No advice, just liked your words. Stay Strong.
I need to do that too. My MM's last words were that he wasn't "over me or through with me, but right now can only concentrate on his immediate life"... this is a very common thing he does..puts me away like a doll in a cupboard..and i'm not going to let it happen anymore. So my last bit of contact to him was this morning--I responded and told him in a short short email "I'm through letting you do this to me. I'm through with you"..and didn't waste any time on long lengthy anger..I'm done..and that's all he has to know.
Now it's my job to NEVER EVER let him reel me back in again. I am DETERMINED. Life is too short to waste it on negative energy and people that bring us negative energy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:00am

Good for you and I understand how you feel. my MM has a way of disassociating himself on weekends and times like this. I am so tired of living with his crumbs of affection. Wens will be hard thank you for you words of encouragement.....

I guess there comes a point where you just cannot take it anymore, walking away hurts just as much as staying. How long have you been with your MM? I was going to email him but decided against it, I have tried to do this before and he doesn't want to hear how upset I am with him via email so I refuse to do that, if I know him as well as I do I will see him early wens.... that will be the hardest, I melt when I see him. Your words of encouragement made me smile, and I need to be rid of this negative energy that just drags me down......

Whatever doesnt kill you only makes you stronger......

Imagine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:16am
I have been tossed back in and out of his life for four years now. We were mutual crushes 20 years ago and reconnected four years ago. It started out intensely..and we're both married. But I have to make this ending the final one. No more getting sucked back into any type of contact. The only problem is the possibility of him showing up at a class get together this summer. I will just do my best to ignore him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:27pm

I'm also a SOW with children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:51pm

Juliet

So now for the first time reality is setting in. For these past 9 days I've felt what it's like to not be with him, not wait for him, not hope for him, not expect him. Nothing. And I feel dead inside. Thank god for my children. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have them to keep me on this earth.

Reality sometimes bites , and I understand how you feel when you tell me your dying inside, I die a little bit each day that I can't be with him, its been five days and it is forced NC, by wens. he will be here and expect everything to be ok, I want to be where I was before him I had finally found a happy medium within myself, I hate the waiting for him, the stolen hours here and there and the disappointments that I just keep adding up. I thank god for my children, and my friends who surround me with love and support me in anything I do. I still have a confrontation to face and I have to act on the choice and step into the decision(I keep repeating this to myself), I have to believe in myself and what it is I truly want, then I have to go out and get it because dammit I deserve it ......I believe there is better for me and my children out there, and that we deserve the best there is, not just a bunch of empty promises.

Sometimes we need to remember what we got and not what we lost, I just read fooled2muchs post to me and I am grateful to her it made me realize this.

I am here if you need to vent, one step at a time I think, and it will get easier you just got through nine days of NC.....it can only get easier from here.

Imagine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:29pm

Good luck on Wednesday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 4:31pm

Can I join the party?

After telling his W he was leaving over 2 months ago, he was still there, struggling with the decision whether or not to leave a not-horrible but not-happy long-term M. So after one last broken date this weekend, "we" decided that he really seems to want & need to try & fix his M. We emailed several more times this morning, but I just sent him an email telling him to stop contacting me, to give all his attention to his W.

This is so difficult. And I'm feeling sort of numb, too. I don't believe I just wrote the man I love, who loves me, and basically told him to go away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 4:58pm

welcome to the party

This is so difficult. And I'm feeling sort of numb, too. I don't believe I just wrote the man I love, who loves me, and basically told him to go away.

Believe it ...you did it, congratulations now comes the sticking to it part, Numb is good for right now its better than depression, saddness, and anger. It is far better than living in limbo land and the emotional highs and lows this kind of relationship brings...I am sorry he has decided to work on his M after telling you he was leaving to be with you, I imagine it is devastating, but you stayed strong and told him you would not continue with the relationship as it is ....Good for you, it isn't always going to be easy in the days ahead, feel free to let it all out in here.

Pity party people committee

Imagine....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:53pm

Okay....add me to the committee. I LITERALLY turned my back on my MM tonite and walked away. He keeps telling me he needs more time, more time, more time. Well, tonite, was the nite he was supposed to leave the house. He went there to talk to her and chaos erupted. The kids were crying (again), they were fighting (again), she was screaming (again), he walked out( again), he called me and told me he wasn't coming over (again), so I told him to meet me, which he did, just for a minute.

That was long enough for me to tell him that he knows what to do if he wants me. He knows where I stand. I do love him. I will be here IF he leaves her, and ONLY IF he leaves her in time. Otherwise, if someone else comes along, I am not making any promises anymore.

No more waiting. No more wondering. No more worrying.

I have wasted so much of MY precious time on him. Planning everyting out just perfect. There IS a man out there who WILL appreciate this one day. I just have to keep telling myself this. One who will reciprocate this back to me, right?

I know that I will cry myself to sleep tonite (again). I will pray that he calls, but deep inside of me, that part has died. The part that was wickedly alive and on fire! He killed that part and that ISN'T fair. This just wasn't worth losing that part of me.

I just hope that time will make all this "icky" feeling stuff go away!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:57pm

Mermaid

>>""One who will reciprocate this back to me, right"<<<

RIGHT just ask survive, hunt up her posts they will show you what is possible.

Free

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