Staying Strong

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Staying Strong
29
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:14am

I am staying strong, I am going to write it, and I keep repeating it to myself over and over.....I have not had contact with my MM since tuesday, and then I only got a whole hour. Something came up and he has taken at least 5 sick days, which I find hard to believe, in reality I believe he had this time planned and neglected to tell me (gut instinct kicking in.) I was extremely upset more so than I ever have been before, perhaps it was the holiday and the thought of spending another one without him.....no flowers, no card, not even a happy easter, or a phone call which never happens he only calls from work. I am definitely not used to being treated like this....I understand that its not a big holiday but it's a holiday none the less....and it got to me. I went and bought a book on How to Fall out of Love, had a house full of friends for dinner yesterday, and tried my damndest not to think about any of it....it almost worked.

This morning I am still looking to see if he has emailed me, the last one was sent wens. and he apologized for doing this, my whole life is full of apologies and I am emotionally tired of this.He will not be back to work until wens. and I plan on being very busy that day, I have no choice I will see him and I need to stay strong, "Act on the choice step into the decision" ....a reply to my last post and those words have had a definite impact, thank you noregretsever.....

I am a SOW with children, and I love this man but simply cannot live this kind of lifestyle anymore, I am going to break a promise that I made to him which is tearing me up inside but not as much as loving someone with whom I can't share my whole life with.
My heart is breaking but I am going to stay strong. I have been reading this board and I get alot out of it, any advice would be appreciated.

Imagine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 10:37pm

juliet,

romeo is waiting

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:58am

To everyone here:


I feel so sorry for all of us - myself, you all, and my MM, and some of yours too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:01pm

This is Terribly hard on "my" MM.
Yes, some are "cake-eaters".
But some are honestly torn between love/respect/wanting to do the right thing for the OW and love/respect/wanting to do the right thing for their W & family.

Ours is an EA, no IC, but the closeness is just as extreme.

I know this is the "Ending" board, but I still can't end it, he can't end it. Because "it" is a wonderful, strong bond.

sorry, gals, I don't belong here. I'm not ready for endings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:06pm

u are always welcome here, the more the merrier

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 3:25am

Hi there,

already wrote some of this on 'imagineus' other stream 'impending doom' but i am pleased to see someone else who recognises that we are not the only ones suffering.

yes, i have a very soft spot for my MM and can't/won't believe he is going through this pain free.

i can't contact him, and hate that we can't support each other through this as we would both like - and yes i see the irony of that statement!

here's hoping we both come out the other side stronger and with good memories!!

good luck!

NA

...and yes, i DO still want him and want him to leave his W, but ... realism is a new life i'm trying to adjust to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:56am

NA:


"can't contact him, and hate that we can't support each other through this as we would both like - and yes i see the irony of that statement!"


Very well said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 5:51pm

I could have been such a strong member of this pity party. You are describing my life after I left my 22 year M and xMM stayed with his W. I was all alone. I was so terrified. My 4 kids were hurt. I was so in love. I thought of xMM EVERY SECOND of every day for 9 solid months and felt EXCRUCIATING pain physically. I couldn't eat, I could not cook hardly, I could barely function at work or for my kids. I cried a house full of tears. I grieved and greieved and had no happiness in my life. My xMM would come around after the break up and say how he loved me still and did not love his W. But he would never take any action. He or I would initiated NC after just a few days of C and I would then go again for months with him in my head all day long. I lived in a world in my head and that was the only world that I wanted. I did not believe I would ever recover. My closeset friends said they had never seen a love so intense and strong, during our A or suffering and grief so long and intense after.

Fast forward to today. 18 m since my A ended. Saw xMM about 2 1/2 m ago, at which time I still said 'I love you' same as always, but...i had worked so hard on letting go and I had started dating someone that I told xMM all about because he was really a wonderful man and I was starting to fall for him. I had finally decided to let xMM go. It took me A LONG TIME to give up. But I had to for the pain to STOP.

I waited for 14 m since i left my M and xMM left me before I dated.

I am so in love now with a new man who is my fiance and who is truly COMMITTED TO ME. (I WILL NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU TO XMM EVER AGAIN) My fiance IS going to marry me (not like xMM who asked me so many times but it was all BS) He calls me each day about 4 times a day and we check in and talk about what we are doing. We plan when we will see each other that evening (when we don't have our kids) or if we will see each other with the kids. If I am not with him that night we call each other and tuck each other in each night. I see him and talk to him in the evenings and on the weekends. We pray together. We work out together. I have met his kids, his best friends, his mother, his sister, he has met my best friends, my kids, my family. We are not secrets. We kiss and hold hands out in the open. we talk about growing old together and we always want to be together and we always ARE together.

It is REAL because he is really here for me. He lets me borrow his 4 wh drive when he is worried about me driving in the snow. He buys me generous gifts, and pays for everything. He wraps his whole life into mine--he holds nothing back from me.

He gave me more of himself in one week than xMM ever gave me. I can't explain it but that it is an above board relationship and therefore he CAN GIVE to me. xmm COULD NOT AND DID NOT.

I have NEVER been loved like I am loved by my new fiance. NEVER. And i would never have believed it possible when I was wallowing long term in my own little pity party.

XMM left because my TRUE LOVE WAS COMING.

You all must believe that it is possible for you too.

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:01pm

Survive-

I just read your post and just burst into tears. I am so happy for you and you truly have given me hope for my future.

I am in that house of pain right now. My MM has decided that he needs more time and he has been calling me less and less, and seeing me less often, and breaking dates. He finds the time to do other social things though....I know where I fit in (or the word is "out" actually).

It hurts so bad. All I want to do is sleep. My life is in pieces right now. I need some sign of happiness right now but am in the middle of my own divorce. I lost a close relative this weekend. There is so much negative on my plate right now that I am not sure how I am going on day to day.

I am just so happy for you. I am crying right now as I type this and want to let you know that your story has possibly given me something to live for one more day.

~Mermaid~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:20pm

I also feel as if my life is spinning out of control, the pain is intense and I feel as if I have failed myself once again. It is hard just to get through each day but I must for my kids but it is a job now, I am burdened with a sadness that I cannot shake, and I cry all the time now. I know that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel but I have yet to see a glimpse of it........
I understand the process but I cannot make myself move forward.....
Thank you for sharing your story survive I needed to hear it and I am so very happy for you. It gives me a hope that perhaps I will get through this also..

Imagine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:06am

Help,


I know you'd all say I'm in fantasyland but 'my story is different.'