Staying Strong

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Staying Strong
29
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:14am

I am staying strong, I am going to write it, and I keep repeating it to myself over and over.....I have not had contact with my MM since tuesday, and then I only got a whole hour. Something came up and he has taken at least 5 sick days, which I find hard to believe, in reality I believe he had this time planned and neglected to tell me (gut instinct kicking in.) I was extremely upset more so than I ever have been before, perhaps it was the holiday and the thought of spending another one without him.....no flowers, no card, not even a happy easter, or a phone call which never happens he only calls from work. I am definitely not used to being treated like this....I understand that its not a big holiday but it's a holiday none the less....and it got to me. I went and bought a book on How to Fall out of Love, had a house full of friends for dinner yesterday, and tried my damndest not to think about any of it....it almost worked.

This morning I am still looking to see if he has emailed me, the last one was sent wens. and he apologized for doing this, my whole life is full of apologies and I am emotionally tired of this.He will not be back to work until wens. and I plan on being very busy that day, I have no choice I will see him and I need to stay strong, "Act on the choice step into the decision" ....a reply to my last post and those words have had a definite impact, thank you noregretsever.....

I am a SOW with children, and I love this man but simply cannot live this kind of lifestyle anymore, I am going to break a promise that I made to him which is tearing me up inside but not as much as loving someone with whom I can't share my whole life with.
My heart is breaking but I am going to stay strong. I have been reading this board and I get alot out of it, any advice would be appreciated.

Imagine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: imagineus
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:21am

Acceptance of the fact that is is over and that HE is were he has choosen to be, his wife is not the problem if he wanted to be gone he would be.

Fantasy met reality and reality as it always does won out.

You cannot move forward until you ACCEPT the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
In reply to: imagineus
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 12:07pm

Mefreenow, you said "his wife is not the problem, if he wanted to be gone he would be."


NO. You are dead wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 4:17pm
never mind. sorry.


Edited 3/31/2005 5:23 pm ET ET by l_andt
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: imagineus
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 4:36pm

I andT

You don't know me anywere near well enought to know what I think, you have not been a round here anywhere near long enough to know how effective my mathods are and that is very effective, I have herd more then one person object to my views/ways but I also have had many of them come back weeks or months later looking for my brand of support, so never say never because you may find youself looking for it down the road at some future date.

If I recall you said you were staying in your affair so to put it politely your head may still be firmly stuck in the affair bubble\Fog.

Now to BJ, It matters not one wit if his wife is a great mother or not to you, HE still has choosen to stay be it for the kids or any other reason it was still his decision he made and you have little option but to tear yourself apart about it or to ACCEPT IT and try to move on and have a life, It has nothing to do with him being GOOD OR BAD, the result is what it is HE HAS CHOOSEN TO STAY IN HIS MARRIAGE.

Now were it come to his wife I don't know her she may be the wicked witch of NY state but more then likely she is not a great deal better or worse then anyone posting on this board on any given day, your few of her may be a bit biased.

JMNSHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 10:14pm
MeFreeNow -
My apologies. I decided my post was unfair, and tried to delete it before anyone read it, but obviously not fast enough.
- L
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: imagineus
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 9:08am

"I am staying strong, I am going to write it, and I keep repeating it to myself over and over....."


May I add a few things to write on your list?


"I will not accept living as a part-time relief valve for anyone."


"I will not stay in a relationship that is built on a lie."


"I will give my children the full attention they deserve and the example of living a life of truth."


"I love myself and value myself and will not accept any relationship that does not honor me and who I am."


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 10:31am

"I will not stay in a relationship that is built on a lie."
"I will give my children the full attention they deserve and the example of living a life of truth."
"I love myself and value myself and will not accept any relationship that does not honor me and who I am."

Thank you, NRE, sometimes the simplest things are the most powerful, and helpful. These are the kind of positive thoughts that could sustain me. (not negative thoughts about how bad or selfish my MM is/was - because he's not)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 3:32pm

I want to speak up for Free. Not that she needs anyone to do that for her! The fact that this is a board for ending affairs, most people here are looking for some answers and some truth. We have questions. I know that a lot of my friends would not be as truthful as to not hurt my feelings, but is that really a true friend? Let's look at all sides. We all know that in the back of our minds, we are thinking what Free says. Sometimes the truth insn't pretty. We tend to look at our OMs, MMs with rose colored glasses. If me made all these same excuses that we make for our MMs/OMs and were as forgiving to our Hs/BFs some of us might not be having As. Maybe we should be just as forgiving to those that are actually IN our lives. But since we have already crossed that line, it's hard. It's hard to love and lose, but that's life. We need to move on and start over.

Despr8

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
In reply to: imagineus
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 6:53pm

Survive

Very inspiring. I too burst into tears, thought I must admit it doesn't take too much to make me cry these days. I am very happy for you. I wish I could get over this feeling of despression. I am in a lot of pain right now. I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing and no more. I have lots of things in my life to be thankful for and I have been trying to focus of that, why won't the pain go away?

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