Staying Strong....maybe not! Help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Staying Strong....maybe not! Help?
5
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 10:42am

So I felt pretty strong yesterday, what with my realizations and all. Knowing that I can get through this.

Well, he called, not once, not twice. About, oh, six times. I was so proud of myself, not answering, BUT, by 9:00 last night, I couldn't help myself. STUPID MISTAKE!!! He cried, hysterically! Telling me that he loves me, that he needs me but just can't seem to let her go! I translated that to him as, "Oh, you want your cake and eat it too", NOT!! He asked how I can be so cold, wanted me to tell him that I loved him one last time.

That's where the strength left me. I told him that I did, and always would, then he hung up? I called him this morning, to tell him that I don't want our last conversation to be so emotional and cold.

I shouldn't have called, I shouldn't have felt guilty in the first place!! Not answering was the right thing to do and I broke down.

Anyway, I feel extremely dumb leaving him that message this morning. I wanted his call to be the last not MINE!!!

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:03am

Doves,
Whats done is done. Cant change it now and cant beat yourself up for it. Just have to plant your feet a little deeper and find a little more strength, I am sure "WE" arent the only ones who " broke down" yesterday. I called my XMM and left a voicemail just to say Happy Valentines Day I knew I shouldnt have called have a good day bye..Well he called back an I didnt answer thank God I was busy and couldnt, he said he knew he shouldnt call back but he couldnt help it Happy valaentines to me hoped I was doing good an bye, I feel stupid for calling but whats done is done..

We all know its hard, I blew 14 days of NC..Get your self back in the saddle an keep on riding girl. I copied a post from FREE called " The Awakening" I put it on my desk top and made a copy for my desk at work when I feel a weak moment I read it..It seems to help. Just a suggestion.. Wishing you more strength and happiness..

KRM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:06am

Doves, you have from this moment forward, as do all that "slip" and have another contact.


Seize it.


Do not pick up the phone again. You've said your "good-byes" and "I'll always love yous" to each other.


Leave it at that.


Walk into your decision to end the lies and clandestine meetings.


Live on the other side of your decision out in the open once again, free to be anywhere, anytime without looking over your shoulder.


I think if you look at your changes from the perspective of embracing being out in the open and above board once again you'll find the pain of good-bye fade quicker.....


There is no replacement for personal integrity, is there?


jmho,


cl-nre


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:12am

oh girl - I'm so sorry! I KNOW the pain you are going through! UGH - we have to live with this every day and I'm not sure how we ever let it go... what i wouldn't do to go back and start this period of my life over... I'd even give up the GOOD memories because these tortuous ones are MORE than I can deal with! :(

My exMM had his 3rd child yesterday and would you believe I want to call and say "Congratulations" NOT because I mean it - I'd RATHER it was OUR baby he was celebrating today - but I want him to think of me - I want him to FEEL my pain - I want him to CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But he doesn't... he's focusing on HIS life today and while he should - it's KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to find a hole in the ground - crawl in it and NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:41am

Thank you all for your responses.

He just called and we definitely had our last talk. I feel a bit numb now with certain things that he said, but I'm not letting this drag me. It's over, and I WILL be fine. I said it yesterday and I'll say it again, I LOVE myself too much and LIFE is too short!!!

This was a learning experience and as one of you said in another post, it is not my right to impose on someone's M. It was the reason why I got a D and I don't want to be that for someone else.

imane,
I am soooo sorry for your pain, but please for your own sanity, let go of those feelings and move on. Whether it's love, anger, anything, put that energy in making your life better. I know the pain you are in and I empathize dearly, but you are worth too much to let it take over you. His decision is made, now you have to decide whether or not your going to allow it to ruin the rest of your life as well. That's what I am focusing on.

I'm starting my grieving process and I'll be darned if I'm going to let it consume me.

Thank you all and good luck.

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 3:25pm

hi doves,

take care, we all have our lapses, its ok to break down, i think we are human, but then again we need to stop this

im sure in time we will realize that we need to stop tormenting ourselves, im at work right now having lunch in my office, i saw her today but i was with a co-worker, she said hi to me and the other person, i did not even say hi to her, that was it, i feel numb now

i dont have any emotions right now, its actually pretty good, i got my marching orders and i need to execute the plan

hang in there, we are all here to listen, i know i wish we all can help each other but we are actually helping each other

take care of yourself,
max