A step backwards...
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| Sun, 10-10-2010 - 7:26pm |
Hello Friends,
This is my first time to post with the new layout. I'm still not used to it.
So, last week, xAP was on my mind a lot. I caved and did a tiny bit of cyber stalking. It had been months since the last time, and I don't know why I just couldn't help myself.
xAP's new wife has a personal blog. I still have them both blocked on FB and don't plan to ever unblock that. So, I pulled up her blog on Friday and did some reading. She also posts lots of pictures.
They seem to be very happy in their new city, from what I can tell from her writing. She actually only mentions xAP a couple of times (in the few posts that I read), but they were all good and positive notations.
Interestingly enough, I didn't feel jealous. She doesn't have anything that I want. What I wanted was the fantasy that I had created in my mind and in my heart. She doesn't have that. It sounds like he doesn't even have a job yet and they've been there over 3 months now. That doesn't even surprise me.
So, I was okay after the stalking. But then that night, I dreamed of him. Of them, actually. It was a heart-breaking nightmare, and I woke up very sad.
I think that what triggered all of this is the change of the season. It was this time last year that I was preparing for xAP's big move to another state. Next month it will be one year since I've seen him. It's been 6 months since I officially ended it and went complete NC. Three months since he got married.
Why am I still counting??
So, lesson learned. Again. *sigh*
Just needed to tell someone. Thanks as always for listening.
-Angel

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Glad to be done with that!!! One thing I do not miss!!
Chechi
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