Steps for the newbies

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Steps for the newbies
11
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 1:49pm

The following are the basic 'rules' of ending an A.

Babysteps


...even if it is all I can do, I can take one babystep.


NC/LC since May 21, 2010

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 2:03pm

Right On,

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 2:05pm

I’m lovin your new moniker and I’m lovin this post!


Looks like you have taken some big-mother-gig-mammoth steps in the reality department! Good stuff!


It’s hard to see that when we don’t do “everything” in our power to remove xAP from our life i.e. if we do not block, changing email addresses or phone numbers when possible the only person we are hurting and inevitably NOT protecting is ourselves. It’s dangerous to even leave the door cracked. I know you have learned that the hard way. Looks like you’ve got it down now!


<>


I love this…(hmm E1 is coveting that phrase…can I borrow it ?)


Much love and big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 6:55pm

Good for you Babysteps. These are the rules. And we are all given these rules when we post here and join this community. It takes time for people to really internalize, but it sounds like you have. Good luck on the rest of your healing journey.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 7:04pm
You GO GIRL! Excellent post and a valuable resource to all on this board!!

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 9:57pm

Babysteps,


You are on the right track. You are reading, posting, responding to others and that shows you are making progress. Its a long journey, this whole A recovery, but its worth it.


Stay on this road and go at a slow pace. I tried to rush the healing many times and it just cant be done. Allow yourself time to heal, be patient with yourself and most of all love yourself.


Thanks for posting this!


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 9:59pm
thank you for posting this. i think we always need to be reminding ourselves about these rules. i struggle because while i know all of this and more (intellectually, that is), on an emotional level, i waffle. one of the mantras i've been using throughout this process is "fake it till you make it", so while i'll miss my xAP and have trouble keeping NC going, i'll just have to fight that until it gets easier. sitting around trying to analyze and dissect what happened just keeps me in the past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 11:39pm
Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 8:34am

Thank you Babysteps for this post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 8:46am

pandabear-that is the hardest one for me too. i keep fantasizing that years down the line we might be friends, but i know its not possible. AP and i were friends first, so losing the friendship is especially hard. but i reality, i'm not friends with ANY of my exes, so why should this be different?

its a toughie; just wanted to empathize that i'm struggling with that one too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:52pm

Thank you Babysteps!

Such a great post, full of insight and I really enjoyed reading it. It's funny - for me I don't miss the 'friendship' even though at one point we were making drastic plans to be together in RL. Throughout the A I had several moments of clarity wherein I realized if we were really friends, we wouldn't be doing this to one another. We wouldn't be asking one another to become the people we had just to get our fix. How terribly shameful behaviour for 'friends'.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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