Still hurting ...

When we allow ourselves to fall in love and we are faced with letting that love go, it is so very difficult. But to measure the ability to have a healthy time in going through the process is determined by our actions. You could be doing all the right things and not looking back at any old pics or reminders when a song may come on the radio and there is a reaction. I believe we can all agree to that. I also believe that holding onto the pain is a way of holding onto the relationship even though intellectually, you know the relationship is over. This is exactly why it is so important to recognize it for what it is and work through it because it can lead you to go back to the unhealthy relationship or even take up with someone new to fill the painful void before the time is right. I see ladies do this alot, some how trying to complete their lives by having a man in it rather than looking within themselves for real inner growth. Unfortunately, more times than not people who do this end up having the same mistakes happen over and over or end up with someone that is way too much like the one they just broke things off with. So be careful hon. Try to recognize this for what it is...a trigger and to let it flow through you because it needs to and then let it go too. Dabbling with anything that brings it all back up is dangerous to your healing. So tuck those pics away for a time until seeing them won't hurt you anymore. That time will come eventually.

Hugs to you dear lady.

GT

I do see OM off & on in passing and it does tend to set me back to sadness. Lat night he was at my house (I know, I know - but he was not there to see me, he was there to see H - I know, even weirder)and as I saw him I remembered how good looking he is, but didn't slip into that sadness - there is HOPE! He just said hey to me and I gave him a hey back. We are trying very hard to be just freinds, and at lest salvage that part of it.

You will be strong!!!

*hugs*

K

Going through the grieving process for each one of us is different because of the circumstances in our lives when we had the A (ex. married or not, length of time in the A) etc. I will say this to you. I am to the point where it is only when I ALLOW MYSELF to toy with the memories whether it is to read old emails, ims and/or look at pics that I experience pain. When I first started to end it, I wasn't much different from the rest of the gals here in that I seemed to be stuck in denial and the emotional fog that goes along with it. I was a mess, crying on a daily basis and thinking of ways I could try to change what was happening only to discover that my first attempt at ending my pain would only be that, my first attempt. I went right back into the A full force. It took months of posting and reading posts here to attain the knowledge of what the truth is in affairs and to begin to apply what I had learned to my own life. When it was all said and done, I was the one who ended the A. Reason and reality finally took over. It has been almost four months and I can now say that the times I experience pain are very short little bouts of it or a tear here and there. I have more days than not that I feel pretty good and it just keeps getting better every day. So you can't give up or give in.

When you begin to focus more on you than the MM/OM, you begin to have times where all of a sudden you will think of them and realize you haven't thought about them in awhile. You feel refreshed and you do realize that life is going to go on one way or the other so you might as well enjoy it while it does! :) You'll have to trust me on this one. It does get better even if it takes you some time.

Sending hugs,

GT