Still venting.....
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| Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:15am |
Over the weekend I was able to really identify what is really bothering me 2 years after I ended my A.
1. That ex-MM lied to me. Even after I gave him the chance to come clean and open up to me. So we could really discuss what happened in our relationship.
2. That he choose "her" over me, and that he must really love her. The man I loved, loves somone other than me. After all the drama that she and I went through over the years, the fights, her calling my job trying to get me fired.....just plan old dram. He choose to be with her.
3. From all indications "they" have a happy life. I really want him to hurt the way I hurt. I blame him for my pain.
As I read over my list of things that bother I know I need help to over come these issues. I should probably get some sort of counseling......I just can't afford it. I need to talk through this anger, and grief. This has hurt me to the very core of who I am. I've delt with all the surface feeling. I need help with the feeling that are much deeper. Thanks for letting me vent here. This place feels safe.

Hey Secretluver,
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Do you have health insurance? A lot of health insurances cover counseling now. Sometimes it is a certain amount of sessions a year but at least it is some. Also, you should check your company to see if they have an Employee Assistance program, EAP. Some states require employers to have an EAP in place. It is completely anonymous and they will help you find a counselor and will give you so many free sessions, at my job it is 5 sessions free. Contact your manager or HR person if you have one.
<<2. That he choose "her" over me, and that he must really love her. The man I loved, loves somone other than me.>>
Yes, he chose her and yes it is a b*tch when the person you love loves someone else. But think about it, he cheated on his wife, he lied to you, he may have done other things you don't know about. I have no doubt that you love him, but would you really want to try and build a life with him. How would you ever know if he was being honest?
<<3. From all indications "they" have a happy life.>>
Appearances can be decieving. From the outside people thought that my H and I had a great life. I had so many people tell me how lucky I was / am. But from the inside it wasn't that way. Some people are really good at keeping up appearances. There must have been something amiss for him to have an A with you, so it may not be all roses in their house. AND WHO CARES?? You should not. I am a firm believer that a persons perception is reality to them. So change your perceptions about his m. Some may say it is wasting precious energy on him, but you are doing that anyway. Anytime you feel like his life is so great, start thinking about the things that could be going on. I am sure he told him how "horrible and miserable" his home life is. Keeping running those things through your head. Think about his poor w who is married to a schmuck like him....and be thankful it is not you....
Yes, this place is a safe place to vent. Do you have health insurance? My therapist is only $10 a session thru my plan.
ivy
secretluver,
I recently started T (my A was 9 years long and I've been LC for almost a month since we work together).
I just wanted to say that I don't think I could get to the deep feelings on my own either (i.e. without T) so I do think it's worth the investment This is our LIFE and we're living it 24x7... I can't imagine anything this is as important as making myself whole again and ending this misery.
However, with that said, I do think reading can help too (I'm doing it on the side with T). And it's something you can start now.
I'm currently reading the second book (it goes through all our feelings and will make you feel like you're not the only one that can't let it go), and I'm going to order the first one. I have some others I'm reading too but these are the closest in their topic (the other ones are more generally about "love" etc).
"Is It Love or Is It Addiction?" Brenda Schaeffer. USA: Hazelden, 1987
"The Journey from Abandonment to Healing : Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life"
I've seen a common thread in these books and articles. For true healing they say we need to:
1) break the fantasy image we have of them (see the MM as they really are)
2) work on our self esteem, and
3) remove the dependence we have on them
Easier said than done, I know... but I hope this helps, WIP