Stopping myself.....
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Stopping myself.....
| Sat, 01-24-2004 - 12:33am |
I'm just sitting here spending time alone as my H is away with our DD for a couple of days spending time with his mum & i decided to stay here & catch up on paperwork & housework instead of going with them. Its nice to get time alone but it also got me thinking that its been 3 months since i've had any contact from my MM & that was only a quick message to say he wasn't alone as was the original plan & the last day we were supposed to spend together before he moved away wasn't going to happen. Nothing in that message to say goodbye or that he'd be in touch but didn't know when. I expected a phone call later in the day to say that as i couldn't ring him cause he was with his W. I sent many messages in the first 2 months after he left but do not know how many he got as he is staying in an area until they relocate properly where there isn't very good mobile phone service. I kept telling myself that this one will be the last but finally decided i needed to somehow say goodbye so i sent another one on xmas day which said a few things about being friends & then simply finished it with Merry Xmas & Goodbye. That was a month ago tomorrow so even though i've heard nothing from him in 3 mths i'm treating this as 1 mth NC from me as that is the day i finally accepted that he's not going to contact me again & to get on with forgetting him & focusing on the wonderful family i have. But today sitting here alone i was thinking of messaging him again & decided to post here instead to stop myself from doing that. If these messages are going through i'm only feeding his ego & i don't want to do that anymore. Ours was never a 'love of your life' A cause we were both happy in our marriages. It was only ever a distraction from the hassles of real life. I work with my H & i feel like he is constantly on my back about work & it was nice to spend time with someone away from that. I lost my best friend & sister 5 yrs ago & i really miss the companionship i shared with her & i guess i got some of that back with MM. I really just lurk here most of the time & reading all your stories has helped me to realise that i'm better off not being involved in an A cause even when you try not to let them emotions always get involved. I have a wonderful H & we are looking forward to a 5 day weekend together shortly away from work & just the 2 of us. Anyway i really should be doing all those things i stayed here to do but came here to vent a bit. Thanks for the opportunity to do that.
Kas
