story of stupidity
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| Tue, 09-21-2010 - 3:42pm |
Ok here goes,I'll try to make this brief,but lets face it,the drama of an A is never brief ;)
well all started 2yrs back...had small probs in marriage(not big ones,but blown out of propotion by a newly married,wide eyed idiot...ME) grass seemed greener on the other side..blah blah blah..single co-worker seemed palatable,and understanding...blah blah blah..end up in bed and all that jazz...
love profused,soul-mates declared,great sex...finally offered to end marriage to be with AP yet got thrown in the face that "I cant marry a divorced woman without shaming my family" huh???
whole lot of drama,made a fool of myself wanting to "Win him back" finally moved to a different country and realised what I shud've known from the begining....DH is an angel and it was all my fault.
discovered this wonderful board while searching for suicide hotlines after EA due to shame and read and read and read and posted and posted and adviced and got into my head everything I need to know.
so I KNOW that I never loved him,but I will swear on my grave that I DID care for him genuinely,respected him and treated him to the best of my ability. the marriage proposal came only after he cried for days afetr seing my wedding pics and asking me "where do I fit in ur life". I have this stupid habit of trying to be the "saviour" funny huh? me who cant save myself even :(
anyways the interesting part comes later,went NC after being here,he cried threw tantrums send loads of emails and sms all which were deleted ,but one mistake remained,,he was kept in my FB.i cud see his status updates :wondering why this was happening to me"

Wondering,
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If you are seeking justice for the "injustices" thrown at you, you are going to have to take a long, hard look at your own actions, honey. Your first mistake (as was as all of ours), was getting involved with this guy to begin with, and
~Iddy~
Yes Iddy.
W~
Sometimes we believe we are doing the right thing when in fact, we are just making things worse, KWIM? In any situation where people get hurt there is always going to be someone pointing fingers at someone else for the misery they are feeling. It's human nature to do this because looking in the mirror at themselves can be too painful. It's
~Iddy~
W~
<>>
I understand pain, Wondering. It should have been my middle name. ;-) Listen, I am sorry that he has made you feel bad about yourself, but you have the ability to get past these feelings. You tried to help him but the truth is, all of his relationship failures are his problem, not yours. Trying to be his friend after having an A with him was a mistake. You need to forgive yourself, forgive him for being so insensitive to your feelings, and just let this all go. Perhaps you have never grieved the loss of this man as how you once knew him, but he is not the person you thought he was. We've all had to learn this hard lesson. It comes with the territory when we fail to set boundaries for ourselves.
Take time to grieve the loss of a friendship, which IMO, was very one sided. I'm sorry.
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
Dear Iddy..
yes he is blocked,erased and forwarded to trash.
I just cant stop crying after reading your reply.Im trying so hard.I hope you're right...I just hope you're right.
Thank you very much for the input.
Hi Wondering,
Welcome back to EAS. You’ve gotten a lot of good replies on this and your other thread.
Something that stuck out to me in your post was:
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Why did you keep the door open and keep in contact at this point. There is a reason you did it. You got some payoff from it.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
E1,
you're spot on, I did need something,not only from him,but
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There is no time like the present!
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I'd be willing to bet that the A is not define who you normally are. I'd be willing to bet you've done some kind and caring acts in your life too! I'm all for taking responsibility for our actions and yes there are consequences however, no good can come from feeling you deserve something bad to come your way.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.