Struggling with NC? Maybe this will help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Struggling with NC? Maybe this will help
2
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:36am
Like so many before me and those of you here now. For 5 years I struggled with the tug-of-war of ending, not ending, of staying friends, not staying friends, of loving him one day and hating him the next!

Unlike some of you, I did have the opportunity of a closure meeting. Honestly, it was nothing like I expected and in hindsight, in all honesty, I would have been fine without it.....eventually!

The day before we planned to meet, I asked myself one question.........WHY am I doing this?

I found myself thinking and wondering WHAT will change? MM certainly won't change his mind, he claims to be happy rebuilding his marriage even though he swore to me that it's not because he loves his wife but because of the children and because he made a commitment when he took his vows. IMO, not the greatest reason to stay married BUT, it's HIS REASON!

Our meeting ended with us vowing to continue OUR friendship forever!

The next day, it was as if someone had hit me with a 2x4! I no longer could justify a good answer as to WHY we should stay friends or even in touch. Why should "I" when MM was never there for ME when "I" needed him to be!

Then, my light bulb moment came when I finally and realistically admitted to myself that MM will NEVER be there for ME because HE chooses not to be......simply stated, HE CAN'T! HE IS MARRIED!

That was the day (2 months ago) that I made a commitment to myself and wowed to do NO CONTACT forever! Or borrowing Posey's analogy (which I love) I decided to STOP French kissing a shark!

When we resolve to do something because WE KNOW it's the best and healthiest for us emotionally and physically, the NO CONTACT becomes a NO ISSUE!

I hope that EVERY ONE of you that is struggling with NC comes to where I am today because I want each of you to share my inner peace!

I know you can do it! Just GO FOR IT......IT'S MORE THEN WORTH IT!

Trust me, NO CONTACT from us and MM/OM just vanish like a bad dream!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:30am
Wonderful, Caring!

I'm slowly but surely heading towards that same revelation. I'm still struggling a bit, but posts like yours help me realize the futility of the fantasy I'd been pursuing. I felt like ours was such a unique relationship, certainly unlike any other affair, destined to have a happy and glorious ending. HA! And then the thoughts of being able to remain friends when that dream was unmet. HA HA!

NC is THE best way. The dream is vanishing. I hope the feelings of loss and saddness vanish soon, too.

YAY for you!!!!

Best of everything to you!

grace

Grace
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:07am
Hiya Caring,

GREAT post! Positively throbbing with positive energy, love it, and love your spirit.

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

PS The Surgeon General says that French kissing sharks is bad for your health ;)