struggling with the reality of it all
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struggling with the reality of it all
| Wed, 01-26-2005 - 9:45pm |
Ugghhh....I haven't been able to keep up NC for work reasons. And we started talking like we used to. I know that I love him...and he loves me. It was about to lead us into bed again. We talked about it though...and we both know that we can't handle that kind of relationship- knowing that there's probably no future in it since he won't leave his kids...therefor...won't leave his wife. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Is there really ever going to be some other guy out there that will make me feel like my xmm did? Because I don't see it happening. I'm in therapy now...trying to work on ME...but I don't think that I will ever get over HIM. I'm going to be alone...and I'm almost hoping that therapy will make me ok with that. I can be happy by myself...right? I don't want to just "end up" with some guy that doesn't meet the requirements that I have now in a lover...since loving xmm.

Crissy-
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I'm very proud of you and your wise decision. Accepting that he will never leave his wife is a HUGE step that many don't realize until they have sacrificed and invested years of their lives in hopes that "one day" will come.
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Yes! Yes! Yes! Did I say yes? And knowing that He is yours for keeps will make the connection you feel much stronger! Trust me. I have been in love before and had my heart broken many times...and thought..I will never feel that kind of love again. I was wrong.
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You are on the right track.
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Happiness doesn't come from being with or without someone...it comes from within you.
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You will have higher standards because of XMM. You will learn and grow from this pain of loving someone who never belonged to you to begin with. You will learn to not settle for less than you deserve.
SS
Crissy
Just about every single woman that has a affair asks the same questions and has the same fears.
Yes there is a MR Right out there for you, you will love again and with passion, it will not be the same as with XMM it will be better because it will not be soiled by springing from a affair it will be totally honest and open the sort of relationship you can talk to your friends about.
It will happen when you just let it happen and that will be when your ready.
Free
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The problem is...I DO think that they will end up divorcing. I just know that I can't have any kind of sexual relationship with him until that happens. The emotional relationship is already there...I can't make that go away as much as I've tried. I will not continue to have an affair though...knowing now that he can't/won't leave because of the kids.
My heart is with him though...I can't stop fantasizing about the future. And the possibility of him divorcing and us being together. I guess I'll be working on that in therapy...I know that I'm a total mess because of all this. I can't even think straight.
Thank you for your advice