Struggling with Ridiculous Thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Struggling with Ridiculous Thoughts
Tue, 09-04-2012 - 4:45am

This past few days I am struggling really really badly. Not in, I need or want to contact xAP way but I am desperate to know if he is ok after his heart attack. I have a very uneasy and anxious feeling that he is sick again and I can’t shake it. I am actually scaring myself with my thoughts. Just that, what if he has died? This morning in the shower I cried my eyes out at the thought, which I know is ridiculous. I haven’t heard anything since his cousin told me of his suspected heart attack, in July and I white knuckled my way through NC at that time. I have tried to identify what has triggered this but I can’t find anything, just this increasing belief that something is wrong.  Is this normal? And what can I do to shake it? I have asked myself is this some way of me trying to justify to myself why I should break NC. But I don’t think it is, because I am not going to contact him, and the most absurd thing of all is that I don’t even want to contact him. What is wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Re: Struggling with Ridiculous Thoughts
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 12:21am
Dear Miss-she-who-suggested -sweetly-
Phew, just past midnight..and we did each pitch something into a shredder and a river, respectively. It was HARD, even if a lot lighter than a coffin! I was amazed, at the heart-pounding response when I had to get rid of one small thing. What a lot of baggage we carry, and still need to get rid of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 8:16am
I waited and waited at that darn bridge and she never showed up :smileyhappy: it was in Madison County wasnt it???

Yes Kim we shreded and tossed little keepsakes (or landmines) that we are holding unto for no other reason than its hard to let them go but little bit by little bit we are. 
 It helps move us forward. Frees us a little more. This one was a tough one, tougher than other times but it fits in exactly with what you were saying.  There seemed to be more of a finality to it and this time I chose a hand written, home made card he had given me and which was very special. (it was the luck of the draw Daisy!!) and yes I did hurt myself by reading it before shreding!! I will learn :smileyhappy: 

Maybe for the one year mark we could have a bonfire? and be done!! Miss Daisy is quite the little squirrel though, hoarding for 12 year so maybe need the fire brigade on high alert :smileyhappy:

So thats the story behind the trinkets, freeing ourselves a little more trinket by trinket!

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 8:33am

I wish I was more adept at finding old posts because I think it was Mslulu/happy lulu who decided to have a little burning ceremony in her back yard and ended up starting a fire that spread...setting one of the lounge chair cushions on fire.  Not sure how she ever explained THAT away.  But we all got a good chuckle out of it.

I think what you girls are doing is great.  I don't know where you girls hail from, but if I hear sirens in the background...



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 10:29am
Sunny - we forgot to synchronize our watches! We were working different shifts I guess but got the job done - ouch! Yes I am a squirrel but it makes it so nice to hang out with mixed nuts... as for a fire, we should consider the impact on global warming. I don't want my piles of mementos melting any polar ice caps!

Daisy, the troll who lives under the bridge
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Re: Struggling with Ridiculous Thoughts
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 11:35am
Hello Sunny,

I just read your post and am so sorry you are having these anxious types of thoughts.

I think you are on the right "trail" when you wrote:

"As long as I keep NC things will be ok again. I just wish I knew what had set it off. Anyways back to work for me!! That will keep me occupied......"

1. Stay NC
2. Gain an understanding for 'your' thought process
3. Keep busy

Hope you are doing better today!

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 11:55am
If I remember right, you guys will hit a year in May, yes?

Which just so happens to be my birthday month.

I think I know what I want for my birthday next year. It will involve a party, and Sunny and Daisy, and a fire.