Struggling....Confused....Unhappy.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Struggling....Confused....Unhappy.....
7
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:16am

Hello all,


I posted about two weeks ago, doing the NC thing, and upset he wasn't fishing or trying to contact me. Well, at the 2 week mark we both logged onto our yahoo account and began chatting. (So I guess it was a simultaneous breaking of NC) Anyway, we

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:45am

You can't be friends with an affair partner, it's like putting a sober alcoholic in a bar.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 11:30am

LFT,


I'm afraid you are going to find out the hard way that being

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 9:19pm
Thanks...that's the kind of slaps-up-side-the-head I need!! You couldn't be more right....why can't I get myself to really BELIEVE that is the right course of action?? My heart is still too involved. I miss him....Thanks for your response, it is much appreciated. I have read it 5 times already!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 9:28pm

Thanks CL-Iddy!! Ya know I have read here...read and read and read....(trying to get it through my thick skull this A is soooo bad for me and could hurt innocent people) Believe it or not, I kind of feel like the "What Being Friends Really Means" thread doesn't really apply to me. He doesn't really care about sex...he's fine with it if I want it, but he seems to want the contact/friendship more. Don't really get that. So when he says he just wants to meet to catch up or keep in touch to know what I am up to, he really does. He's only been married for a year.....seems strange doesn't it. I can't quite figure out why he likes this arrangement so much. Sounds like his wife is actually very laid back and is very good to him. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your response. I definately feel the "crippling sadness" you

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:42pm
Your married story kind of sounds like mine. I married young too and at that time, my husband was responsible, kind, and I saw him as a way out of my unhappy house. Not that I didn't love him, but like you said, we change as we grow older and I am also not the same person I was back then. My husband is also a good man and willmost likely do anything for me, which makes an affair more guilt ridden! When I would tell my therapist my reasons for getting into an affair, she would get rael with me and tell me that I was making excuses to be with OM and I needed to stop making excuses. I also told her that I was afraid that after the kids were gone, that I would find we really have nothing in common and it would be easy to leave. I had to come to terms as to why I let the EA happen. What was I missing in my own marriage? I have learned what some of those things are, but have yet to learn hhow to obtain those things. But I was told that an affair will not help-only make things worse. I stuggle every day but this board has helped me alot. Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in what you are feeling. I could have written the first part of your post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 9:05am

Awww Mom,


Thanks for your reply. What do you think you are going to do? I have to say, I have been aware for a couple of years now that I may have made the wrong choice by marrying when and who I did. We've been through counseling and he is willing to do whatever he needs to, but I really don't think it's anything HE can do. I am too scared to make the move now, financially and because of my kids ages, but STILL, it may be a mistake to think it will be better anywhere else. Right now I need to try to stop thinking about how much I want to be with the other guy. He also is a wonderful man, but very taken. I guess for now we have to find happiness via other means, not with a another man. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 10:58am

Hi live,