Stuff just falls into place sometimes...
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Stuff just falls into place sometimes...
| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 4:59pm |
I haven't been here in a while but have been trying to end my EMA for quite some time. An update - Just after Christmas my xmm and I had a talk (I think it might have been the last one) and I decided that I just can't do this any longer. I'm tired of being second, tired of being ignored and made to feel unimportant. I told him it was basically over. We could go back to being friends if he wanted but all of the physical stuff had to stop. He reluctantly agreed but made it clear that wasn't what he wanted. 2 weeks later he went out of the country on a business trip and since he's been gone (for almost 2 weeks now) I have gone up and down in my mind about whether I made the right decision or not. He didn't email me last week like he usually does, no "I miss you" or anything. This week I sent out a group notice and he responds by saying "hard to get out a personal email with prying eyes watching". I thought BULL****. If I'm that freakin important to him then why didn't he drop SOME kind of line just to say hello? He called today because the caller ID had my number (I was looking for him for another coworker) and was trying to chit-chat when I told him that I was busy and had to go. I feel a little liberated because I've never been able to do that before. Felt a little bad about doing it also but as the day went on I started really realizing that our relationship didn't really mean much to him. I'm at the point that it probably doesn't mean much to me either. He will be back on Monday and will probably be cautious around me but if blowing him off means I can get my head on straight and my life back in order then so be it. It's taken me a long time (we were in this for almost 2 years) to make my heart finally believe that it was all about sex. Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent. Guess I need to change my screen name too, ha ha. OM4M

I must have ended our affair a dozen times before he finally accepted my ending it. And it hurt that he accepted it. But I know that is the RIGHT thing. And I am already way happier.
I know that there will be moments of sadness. But nothing that compares to the angst of feeling unimportant to the man I love. Nothing that compares to being jealous of a woman who I don't even know just because she is the wife he is cheating on. You get my point, right?
Where my thing stands is that I initiated no contact via a goodbye email, and he wrote back to me agreeing that it would be a good thing but not really acting like "goodbye". He was really casual and chatty. Then the next day, I broke down and wrote him back. Then he wrote me back and signed it "missing you, baby". BUT....although it gave me some comfort to hear him call me baby and say he misses me, it does not make me want to be in the affair anymore, and I am not craving anything more than that in and of itself.
I am going to see if maintaining a nice email relationship will be okay for a while. At this point, I am kind of bored with the whole thing, but I like hearing "I miss you" from him.
Hmm. I sound confused. I am not that confused though. I am just on the road to recovery...
Lostit
Congratulations are in order!!!