Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
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Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
| Tue, 12-15-2009 - 10:06am |
I'm here to confess that last night I emailed ex-MM.
| Tue, 12-15-2009 - 10:06am |
I'm here to confess that last night I emailed ex-MM.
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Iddy,
I already changed my house line number.
Hey Mickey:
I've been following your story here and I want you to know that I understand too well why you caved.
You see, I caved as well.
Thanks kmg,
The funny part of this all is that H and I have been getting along much better.
GGG,
Sorry to hijack the post... I remember you from back in the day when I ended my A and I think you ended yours at the same time. I am just wondering how things are going? I have had NC for 8 months now! woo hoo :) I still think about him a lot but never act on it, I'm so much better off.
Then, honey, you change your email address. Delete the one you have. Tell your H that the email address isn't really giving you all the cool features of the new provider.
Honestly, Mickey? You really sound like you are in the grip of some sort of addiction here, and Iddy (and others) are dead right - get thee to thy doctor and get some meds to help you through this. The most blessed relief is when we STOP GIVING A RAT'S BEHIND. It is the most liberating feeling in the whole world, a million times better than any fleeting boost he gave to us as an afterthought.
I've mentioned earlier what I do and boy, is it helpful...email yourself! Tell yourself about all the sh*tty things he did/ didn't do, all the times he let you down. Tell him he's no longer welcome in your house/ marriage/ heart. Screw him! (Not literally!)
And be kind in those emails too. I honestly think the level of pain experienced here is not from an adult part of us. I think it comes from the part of us that's still a frightened kid, needing reassurance that we're safe and that we're okay.
So give her that...I send the most lovely emails to my wee girl...and it does two things: It reminds me that this grown-up and sensible and mature part of me actually cares, and it reminds me that she is on tap any old time I want to check in with her.
Life rewards action, Mickey. You can analyse til hell freezes over, but it won't take you one step closer to this intoxicating freedom.
xxx
Unichick,
That's a good idea about emailing the child self.
Hi Mickey,
I’m sorry to read here about the breaking of NC. Although I cannot condone what you did I can say that your post about it is a huge step from where you use to be before. Remember when you use to break NC and think you got some answers or some type of closure and I use to say, “No you didn’t. You didn’t get anything. All you did was give away your power.”
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Yep, go with the meds - I am on Prozac and each day feel a little lighter and a whole lot more grounded. Which is kind of paradoxical, when you think about it :-)
I am not past the longing for him stage, by a long shot, but I do feel in control of my urge to sit by the computer waiting...waiting...for what?
Each sunshiney day you sit thinking and brooding over this guy is a day out of your life you aren't ever getting back. I think you and I have spent way too many of those precious days. Let's get out there and live, girl!
Hugs
UC
NIIA,
Yes!
Mickey,
U fell. Pick yourself up, dust your self off and start again. And like everyone else said. Block him, block him every way possible. U can take the power back.....
stop beating yourself up. can not change the past, move it forward....
and know that you are not alone, not even late at night. I am here too. in agony, pacing, but I make it...and guess what mornings are tough too. kids are at school. work is super slow and I think of him constantly and then I focus and get it together.
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