such a fool i am.. (vent)
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such a fool i am.. (vent)
| Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:48am |
well i was doin fine with my NC.. but i broke down an emailed him.. we chatted online and well when i went on vacation he looked for me and found me.. it was kool tho.. we hung out and talked and had a good time.. till i left.. he followed... was amazing.. but it shouldnt have happend... but now its finally done.. when it was done the last time.. it was because he got found out... this time its done cause we both agree we cant do this any more.. we are toxic together when we are in person.. on the computer or phone its great..g et us together the attraction is to strong to fight and no matter how much we say it wont happen again.. self control.. it will.. so i cant do it i am feelin guilty and so is he ..but it was wonderful.. and we had a very long good bye online and ended it with the best nite of our lives something to rememeber always... it had to be done.. but i feel so lost ...AGAIN... starting this NC over... is h*ll... i miss him tons already .. i do feel someday our path willcross again... i will be there again in 2 weeks but i didnt tell him so he wont look for me .. but i know i will look for him .. just for a glimpse.. it will be hard... i feel again like i lost a best friend.. i really dont know how any of u do this for ever... i knew last time with NC that there was a chance wed meet again.. not 100 % sure but i felt it wasnt done.. but this time i know it is ... for both our marriages it has to be.. this is way worse this time ... i should have just let it go last time..starting again suks... thanks for listening...im a mess.. i just want to drink and cry ... not healthy by any means... im glad i have this board to turn to .. u people are great......... wam

(((i really dont know how any of u do this for ever...)))
Don't look at it as forever, WAM, look at it as just for today. I've conquered many of my biggest obstacles this way. Whatever the behavior (in my case, I'm an addict), I tell myself that I'm not going to (whatever, you fill in the blank) just for today. If it all gets to painful, I'll do it tomorrow, but I can certainly make it thru just one day, right?
Sooner or later, the days get easier.
Like you posted, that feeling that your paths would cross again, well, maybe they will. I can feel that in my situation as well, so I know what you mean. Rather than looking at this as the ending of the A, why not think that just for today you're going to have some respect for your DH and your marriage and try to enjoy and appreciate that gift? Hang in there, honey. Love and strength, Mo.
All the very best - we will end up happier in the long term.