Suicidal over what I have done

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Suicidal over what I have done
2
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 7:01pm

I am the girl that hit *67 and told the wife about the affair. I have never felt so desperate and scared WHEN I did it, but it PALES in comparison to the guilt and remorse I have now.

I woke up from my drug induced haze only to realize I had ripped my own heart out, HIS heart, his wife's heart...and possibly the childrens.

My intentions were not to HURT others, it was so "I" could stop hurting.....my intentions were not hateful, I promise. I can't believe what I did and if I could go back I would have just walked away from him.

I am 1,000 times worse of now then I ever imagined. It's funny, but I am KNOWN as the most caring and loving person by EVERYONE in my life. I ahve never done anything like this and I don't understand STILL what came over me. I will never forgive myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:19pm

LLL

"I woke up from my drug induced haze"

What type of drug are we speaking of, do you have a drug problem or was it a one time deal.'

What is done is done there is no way to turn back the clock, there is nothing to be gained by holding a grudge against yourself, you need to forgive all around and then walk away and let them pick up there lifes and see what they can do with them, you need to do the same for yourself.

If you are genuinely Suicidal call a suicide prevention hotline at once, get help to get you over the hump of this problem, find someone you can talk to ASAP.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:24pm

LLL,

<<>>

I agree with Free. PLEASE call someone and get help. What's done is done. We all do things that we maybe regret later on. There is no changing it now. It IN NO WAY makes you a horrible person. Suicide is NOT the answer. Think of your family and friends who love you, and all of us on the board who WANT to get to know you and to help you through this difficult time. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call a prevention hotline!!!

Diva