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The A Support Board
| Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:33pm |
Was lurking on the My Affair Support Board and I feel really sad for women that are still in the A. They don't seem very happy. Kind of makes you wonder why we have A's to begin with. I hope that they some day have the courage to cross over to this board and that they can find the support and encouragement that I received here.
Just a thought.

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Looking back now I still don't see myself as "selfish".
No one deserves an abusive husband. But why didn't you leave him instead of staying married and putting yourself -- and possibly the XOM -- in what would potentially be a dangerous situation with an abusive H by cheating on him? I am asking that sincerely, not out to prove you are "selfish!"
But if you think about it, there are lots of ways affairs make us act selfishly. If the XOM is married, it is selfish to not think of his spouse. If he is not, it is selfish to make him share you with your H.
~undone~
Thanks for your reply. I do have one more thing to add.....jellybean wrote "most of us are unhappy w/ our H and would love to have a real R w/ our A partner " (I'm paraphrasing)
That's as much as a generalization as anything else. For me, and some others who post on the A board, that simply is not true. (I know you didn't say anything in your post about that, I just didn't feel like making 2 separate posts LOL).
Anyway, when my A ends, I doubt I will look to anyone for support. My philiosophy in life is to take each moment for what it is...happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow. Be in the moment, learn from it, and go on. I don't expect my happiness or self-worth to come from anyone else.
Katie,
By abusive I don't mean that my H beat my head into a wall or walks around with a gun. There are different kinds of abuse. My situation is very complex and I have very good reasons for staying. I'm not using the abuse as a way of condoning what I did...but I do not think that I was being selfish. I didn't say "hey, this is a way to have a husband and a lover..yay....its all about me me me". even my priest said that my husband should have LET me have a boyfriend since he was not even close to fulfilling his obligations as a husband. I'm tired of hearing "why didn't you get a divorce"....Easier said than done. Don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes and don't use the term "selfish" so loosely.
Jazzdiva
Jazzdiva
>>>>I met a woman who clearly was in it for the sex and had no problem walking away from her XOM, right after she slashed his tires that is.<<<<<
HA!!
I do have feelings for my OM, don't get me wrong. I've known him for many years.....we were actually engaged to each other when we were in our 20's (both in 40's now omigod).
Maybe that's part of it, I don't know.
Thank you for your kind words.....they're always nice to hear :)
"I met a woman who clearly was in it for the sex and had no problem walking away from her XOM, right after she slashed his tires that is."
HAHA! Thanks for the laugh this afternoon. ;)
One thing I would like to mention btw. At this stage in my *recovery* from my A I see things much differently then I did. I too, and many others, see/saw their M as *abusive*. In my case my H had had an A or two or three. :p He was emotionally unavailble to me, and he had *banged my head against the wall*.
When I wrote my last message to my OM I told him that the A was eating at my soul. That no matter how *justifiable* it was, it was still an A and I could not live with myself lying and cheating and stealing (yes stealing love and attention from my family)anymore. I realized I needed to face my real life and deal with it one way or the other. That is how it was for ME.
Everyone's situation is different, and nobody has the right to judge anyone. In my case, I judged myself far more harshly then anyone else could have anyway. :(
*hugs*
Someday
Jazzdiva
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